Peace.Love.Empathy

Its been a while

2009-06-17T06:09:00.000-07:00

Its been a while since I last wrote, and like always so much happened in between. But I'm closer home literally, metaphorically - I moved back to Guwahati, Assam in hopes of doing what I always thought I should. It is not particularly easy - not with everyone doubting, not believing in the intensity of the ideas that nurture in me. But then, I figured out its important - its important to me more than anything else, its important I gave that part of me an opportunity to surface.

Oh the bank of the Red River!!

2009-03-05T02:47:00.000-08:00

An emotional fool ... I may be that. But I also am glad I can feel those very humane emotions every time I hear the Bihu songs, every time I hear Bhupen Hazarika, Jayanta Hazarika...sometimes I wake up in the morning and try to imagine the sounds that I heard when I was growing up in the village...the sounds of the villagers walking past our house in the village of Pakorkona in Hajo in the crack of the dawn, on their way to the bus stop to catch the 5 AM bus to Guwahati where they would sell brinjals...amongst many other sound. But I remember this sound particularly as this is the first sound I would hear in the day. I would be still on the bed. Those days all the kids would usually sleep with Abu or Bordeuta. I must have been around 3 years old ...that's the image I've in my mind. The villagers would walk all the way from Roumari, a nearby village, as there was only one road where buses could stop for miles and miles. I often used to wonder how could they be all ready with their brinjals nicely stacked on those balance-type of carriers made of bamboo while I was still sleeping. There is absolutely no light outside, but you can see the silhouettes pf the people - all cheerful and optimistic about the business that day...all but two baskets of brinjals balanced across their shoulders!

By the way - no one any longer sells brinjal from Pakorkona or Roumari - they have or spend their time looking for a "government" job - one that would pay for no work whatsoever. No longer any kid goes to pick potatoes on the fields like we used to.They go to schools and institutes which do not give them skills but qualifies them for some jobs which again would require no skills. Why is when I want to go back to Pakorkona after having seen the land across 7 oceans and 13 seas (as is the proverb), they want to go away? Why progress is moving away from roots?

For the matter of fact, no one any longer walks to any other house in the same village, forget about walking from Roumari.No one any longer needs the bus, they all have bikes and cars! My sister and I often talk about how to make more and more people aware of the defining environmental issues of the 21st century - of global warming & carbon footprints. We will be called mad women if we even tried. But then we will make our attempts!

Why did I write again ...just to understand why do I feel so strongly about the love of my land, about Bihu, about the banks of the mighty Brahmaputra..

Oscars,passion, goals of life....and morning cup of tea

2009-02-22T18:37:00.000-08:00

I got up – determined that today will change things. Today will be that moment in my life when I will live for the purpose, and find the purpose. I woke up quite early for that purpose – I dragged myself out of the bed at 5:30 AM in the morning – a habit that I had lost in the recent times.
Its always soothing – the quietness of the morning, the soft light, the fact that I’m one of those who are ahead of the mass today – the fact that I’m ahead and an early starter, terrific feelings. I was almost about to write a post on the importance of a cup of tea early morning – but then other things came – certain realizations and certain facts. Yeah – but an early morning cup of tea has its wonder effects – true to the campaign of one tea brand – it just wakes you up to your surroundings. I guess the Oscar awards playing live on Star Movies had a catalyst to play – somehow all these incredible people and the magnitude of their achievements, people who embody passion in what they do made me realize one thing – you can’t do anything without passion. There is no point living life without passion, without embodying passion.
These are the facts for the day –
• I realized there is no point staying separate from your family – no matter what is the price. No amount of money can ever take being with my sister – the fact that I could wake her up in the morning, pep her up for the day – these are wonders by themselves
• Second realization – hard work is a must for any success. To achieve any amount of success worth the mass – so much more goes into it
• More than working hard to be a success in the mass, if what you’re doing is your passion – its the addiction of perfecting it – of pushing the bar
• My father got transferred to Sonitpur when he was thinking of getting transferred to Guwahati – to home. I understand his pain – but he will not tell me.
• I understand now , more than ever, of controlling your life and not letting a job, others control it
• Did someone not say the other day – “If you don’t write your the story of your life, someone will write it”
• Ofcourse I ask myself – will I be able to pull it? But I also know now is not the time to doubt – now is the time to believe in myself, and go for it
• I ask for strength – God give me some
• And yes – like the show I’m watching now – I want to excel at a world level, to achieve something at that level
Faith I have. Believing is having. I will have a wonderful life.

Wisdom from Satya, founder of CareerLauncher

2009-02-04T18:06:00.000-08:00

"...You live your life by your individual balance sheet, by your own profit and loss statement...Don't waste time on what others think, say, just live your life, your purpose in life. In the end - only you makes sense..."

I heard this is in a TiE "My Story" session

Rich Dad, Poor Dad....in pigs & goats:)

2009-02-04T17:49:00.000-08:00

Rich Dad, Poor Dad is one of the most useful book I've read. I read it back in college. Thanks to a friend who couriered it to me to my hostel in some god forbidden remote corner of the North East. The book drove across many points which hit me bang on - and I've not forgotten them, even now. Asset & Liability - how do you differentiate between them, balance sheets, P & L etc. He made them seem so relevant to my life in its various ramifications that I started using those terms.

And was I not proud of it! I gifted copies of that book to all those who matter to me when I started earning.

But I was ashamed of myself when I got to know about the wealth creation abilities of the guy who takes care of L&S - Manoj. Manoj is a 16 year old boy from a remote village in Assam who lives with us. (How he came to live with us is another story which I will blog on later) Manoj has two responsibilities - his two sisters, one elder and one younger. He has nothing else in this world - but good people skills (amazing is the word!!), a sense of reality, ability to work hard.Manoj makes about Rs.2500/month. He saves this amount completely because his other needs are taken care of. He sends money home - but only when it is needed. He thinks his sisters may not have a sense of how much in the money at hand, and end up spending it all.

Anyway, Manoj just came back from home. As usual he gave me a trip recap. I was particularly impressed with his investments -

- 2 piglets. Female. Each @ Rs.1000.
- 4 goats.Each @ Rs.500
- 1 cow which gives 1 litre milk of everyday:)

He has "outsourced" the rearing of all the above to people who are experts in this field:)The deal: 50-50.

2 female pigs will rear 8-10 piglets twice a year. Each will sell for Rs.1000. 50-50%!!

Same logic applies for all.

Isn't that impressive! I know friends who make well over a lakh a month, but end up saving nothing. And look at him. Without reading "Rich Dad, Poor Dad", he is following the advice:

- started young
- he is paying himself (saving for the future is paying himself)
- knows the difference between asset & liability ( outsourcing, not giving into emotions but investing is assets)

Truly impressive!!

MIT...

2009-02-04T17:38:00.000-08:00

Well, not the one in the Cambridge campus by the Charles river in Boston...but the one in my life..."Most Important Task". I've been reading about how to make effective use of time that I've in general ...each hour, each day...etc. I started by getting up early. Its working. There's nothing like getting up early and beating Mr.Sun on his own game. I see him rise up the horizon while I sip my morning cuppa. So long, Mr. Sun ..dream on!

Anyway, now that getting up early is not my battle any longer - deciding what to do with my time is the next question. I view these extra hours that I've in the morning as my perfect world - I don't have to deal with interruptions, or be involved in engagements on trivial matters, or be expected to act in a particular way because the majority thinks a certain a way. Well - there I digressed again.Brought the job into my life, into my blog post. The frustration is so much - more so about me because I'm not doing anything about it. I'm tired of acting as someone else in my day job - well, because I don't want to waste time resolving conflicts, having nonsensical arguments. I can be my argumentative Indian self elsewhere - not the job. It just is not required - or I get into these conversation which yield nothing. Even the brightest idea ( I was talking to someone the other day how effectively social media could be used) does not ring a bell. What's the use?

Anyway - back to MIT.

So, everyday I tell myself - what's the most important task of the day for me today? The process of thinking through it helps me shape up my day. Not always I can identify what's the MIT - those are bad days for me. At the end of those days, I feel indifferent. That's the worst thing - indifference. It should be one extreme:) But yeah - thinking of MIT helps.

What's the MIT for today? Start thinking!!

Where have I been? Starting up!

2009-01-28T17:12:00.000-08:00

Well - its been quite some time. But I was up to all good things. Between 16th Dec, which was my entry into the start-up ecosystem at the TiE summit, and now - oh my god, I'm amazed at my own progress. I remember in the TiE summit, I was a nobody looking at these incredibly successful people giving talks on how to convert your ideas to a business to a global firm. But after Open Coffee Club meets and the Proto event, I'm pretty much the ecosystem now.

I know most people, most VCs, most idea generators, most serial entrepreneurs,most incubators - perfect!

I will update more about each of them specifically in my other blog - one for the professional world. But - I'm happy about my progress!

Dear Toon

2008-12-14T04:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Toon,

Are you angry with me? Life has taken a fast track again, hasn't it? Several months ago, you could have been sipping tea with me on a day like today - you know Sunday afternoon, England visiting us and cricket on TV …and perhaps even talk about Randy Pausch’s teachings....its so unbelievable that you are not here.

"Keep everyone safe and sound" has become my new prayer - I say these words every time I breathe in. I don't know why we lost you. Its not easy for me to say - life has to go on, but I want to write about a few things. I'm hoping my whole family who I will read this letter to you, read about what I want to tell them. First of all, I want to tell my family - Maa, Deta, Moo, Mama, Mami, Mahi, Moha, Jethai, cousins.... everyone of you, that I love all of you and value all of you.

And through you, I want to tell Roon - we are family brother, we are family.

I want to remind all of my family to live a good life. Please eat healthy, take care of your body, be aware of your body, exercise, be active, be aware of the world and of things in general, have a sound mind and make good use of life.

And now, I want to tell all of them through you - about a great personality, Randy Pausch. I got to know Randy because of you. It was during the days when you were at my home in Bangalore that a friend introduced me to a source of hope and inspiration - Randy Pausch. I wish I could have told you about Randy Pausch when you were with me. But unfortunately, I could not.

But, I now want to tell everyone about him. Before I go ahead Toon, I want to tell you even though I tell myself to have a rational mind I can't always fight my tears. And no, I'm not too proud of those tears.But, here I go.

Randy Pausch was an American professor of computer science, human-computer interaction and design at Carnegie Mellon University (CMU) in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Pausch received his bachelor's degree in computer science from Brown University in 1982 and his PhD in computer science from Carnegie Mellon in August 1988. Pausch later became an associate professor at the University of Virginia, before working at Carnegie Mellon as an associate professor.
He gave his "The Last Lecture" speech on September 18, 2007 at Carnegie Mellon. Pausch conceived the lecture after he learned that his previously known pancreatic cancer was terminal.The talk was modeled after an ongoing series of lectures where top academics are asked to think deeply about what matters to them, and then give a hypothetical "final talk", with a topic such as "what wisdom would you try to impart to the world if you knew it was your last chance?" He died on July 25, at the age of 42.
Randy knew about his situation – knew that his days were numbered. But that didn’t take the spirit out of Randy – he tried more than ever to make use of the time that he had. He in fact researched his own medicines/treatment strategy. Randy used to maintain a daily blog – till a week before he could write no more. He planned as much as he could for his family for the time when he is gone. He sorted out his finances with his wife, made educational plans for his three kids. But like most human beings, Randy wanted to be a superhero for his kids – he wanted his kids to remember him as the great father even when he is gone physically. That motivated him to write, “The Last Lecture” – his attempt to leave behind a legend.
In his 42 years of life, Randy achieved a lot :
- Professor at Carnegie Mellon University
- A great marriage with Jai
- Three wonderful kids
- A legend for his kids – his book became a New York Times Bestseller
- More than anything else, he fulfilled all of his childhood dreams
To do all of these, he required an indomitable spirit and “can-do” attitude towards life. That’s the message I want to give to our family, Toon – we need to have the spirit, we need to have dreams, we need to create value out of life – we need to go that extra mile, be disciplined to justify the purpose our life.
Through this letter to you, I would encourage all of my family, specially the young, to read the following and be inspired –
- “How to really live all your childhood dreams”
- Randy’s time management tricks
- The Last Lecture
Please reach out to me – whoever needs the books.
I read somewhere Toon, death is the next phase of life. May be that’s what it is. But I do know that we should make best use of the time we have in hand – reach out to those who need us, create an impact, make this world a little better because we lived.
In so many ways – you’ve done that, brother. You were the ideal son, the sincere student, the composed human being. You taught us many things – its up to us now to maximise our lives. That’s what makes sense, right brother?
Perturbed as I’m to the core, I’m trying to spread some soothing thoughts. That’s my intention brother, nothing else.
May we all make good use of our lives. Bless us brother – give us your good sensibility and judgement. Watch over us.
- Majoni Ba

P.S. – Please forgive me, Toon, if I had hurt you in anyway during the period that you stayed with us. No, I couldn’t relate to the acute pain that you experienced. Perhaps I could have done better. I didn’t know I was running against time. But this is my promise brother, I will try to use my time well and touch as many lives as I can.

Silence after the mayhem

2008-12-05T22:31:00.000-08:00

No, No... I've not given up. Not after all the mayhem,bloodshed and the war on my country. No, I've not given up. I'm just preparing my to-do list. This time I need time to think through the list.

Basic rules - action within my scope of control, timelines, accountability - all basic project management. But yes, this time its my country who needs my services.

I started with a small step - spreading awareness. Now, one would argue that's vague. But this is how I've achieved objectiveness

- Never remain silent when I, to the best of my knowledge, know that I'm hearing is incorrect - morally and factually
- Influence through written and spoken words. Start contributing to the local dailies of Assam. I will have to start small - graduate from my state to my country and who knows, to the world. And as Maa says, people in the cities have access to publications but its the people in places like Guwahati who need hope, assurance and ideas.
- Educate the uneducated Indians; not letters but ideals. My action - teach Manoj. Today I taught him about the geographical boundaries of India, earth's rotation & revolution. I want him to appreciate the world at large, and grow out of his small village. THis is my dream for every Indian
- Learn, learn, learn - Indian history, world history, politics, economics, international relations - with sis & Rajib. Answers to today's problems are often found in history. So, I will make myself aware.
- Make an attempt at Civil Services. If ISB happens, take social entrepreneurship seriously. Otherwise, start executing the plan. My hope preparing for IAS will atleast give me the foundation to know my country & world diplomacy/affairs better. I can always reconsider how best is to serve the country, make use of my life
- Intelligence, ability are gifts. Make use of them. And its a sin if I don't use, and more so, if I let incapable people lead me. Leadership is an attitude. And leaders are also responsible to rectify irresponsible leadership of mistaken-leadership

Keep motivation high

Decent democracy

2008-11-08T02:58:00.000-08:00

The decent, peaceful transition happening in White House currently from President Bush to President-elect Obama has left me wondering - why do we lack decency so much? What's the root cause? Why do we need to tolerate leaders who are in the news for abusing reporters, airport officers, mud-slinging at opposition for the sake of opposing,criminals....? Why? Why can't our leaders be self-respecting, decent human beings? Why? Why do they have to be noisy, indecent to be political leaders?

President-elect Obama;s first press conference

2008-11-08T02:56:00.000-08:00

What did I do last night? I stayed up till 1:20 AM to wait for President-elect Obama to address his very first press conference after the victory speech. And he was very president like. Composed. Cautious. Yeah he needed to be. His speech has to be measured - millions are following him, having found a hero, an idol finally. But even amidst discussion of economic crisis, taxation policy ( a sweet spot for the journalists), foreign policy, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Pakistan, Russia he managed to talk about the new puppy that he owes Malia and Sasha. That's what I love about him. You're my man, Barack. You're my hero.

Obama's family is planning to adopt a shelter dog. God bless you good souls.

Life is in control if you forget worrying about death

2008-11-08T02:46:00.001-08:00

Is it because of the fear of leaving the world without the story being told? May be. With the current uncertainties, may this is the way. But life is in control if you forget worrying about death. And that's how it should be.

The other day my kid sister had a bad dream. Little girl - she called me up and shared her dream. She was disturbed. I told her what I had discovered myself - that there is hope. And I told her good that she had the dream, atleast now she knows some thoughts were buried in her system somewhere and now are being expressed. The key is to wash those thoughts away from the system. They are just extra baggage. Obviously she told me - "Yeah Ba, I know. I will be fine. Its just the situation in Assam, and Maa & Deta live their alone". I remembered Rhonda Bryne and I told her, think good, you will get good. And I believe in it strongly. There's hope. Make best of life. Live it without worries. I believe in the strength of my prayers.

I felt bad for her. She lives alone.I need to do more than just think. Love you sis.

And then I remembered my own paranoia. The blasts in India had left me completely disturbed. But somehow, I have hope now. Its very immature to be so obsessed with Obama. But his win has given me hope. If nothing else, I've a direction in life. Focus. And sometimes you need those forces in life.Someone who is testimony to the fact that anything is possible, if the intention is right and there is sincerity and hardwork.

Life's bucket list

2008-11-08T02:15:00.001-08:00

Its very important to have one - or who knows you might end up living a life that means nothing to you. I wanted to make mine today - pretty much because I thought I needed focus in life. For once, I wanted to assume there's no limitation in the world - you know truly "impossible is nothing" types, and dream on... what can possibly motivate me each day, everyday to go that extra mile - to make use of my life? It's not an easy discussion - and every time I start this exercise I end up in bed with a headache that dispirin can't cure.

But I'm proud of myself that I attempted very hard!

There again I started the day with today's editions of MINT, Economic Times, Times of India ( this one is losing respect soon for the level of journalism) and, BBC and CNN.What would I do without news channels? R actually suggested that I take consider studying Public Policy and who knows serve Indian Government by being Rahm Emanuel if not Barack Obama. Not a bad thought! But I wonder if Indian politicians would ever need qualified public policy advisers. Anyway.

On another note, it was encouraging to see so many Indians in Obama's transition team - Preeta Bansal, Sonal Shah... I heard a few more names that I can't recollect now. When will India feel the need of them?

Here's what another respected channel reports - Boby Jindal might as well be the Republican presidential nominee.... wow! not bad!

But anyway, I was supposed to write about my bucket list. But somehow all the preceding discussions have a connection - very much related to my bucket list. Here's an attempt:

- A healthy, fit me and promote the same to Maa, Deta, Moo and R ( the last one is almost impossible, he can't give up junk!)
- A completely aware me. I must be as updated as CNN, BBC, Newsweek, WSJ,Vogue(!!),HBR, McKinsey Quarterly. Spread the same to Maa, Deta, Moo. (R is already ahead in the game)
- Find/help sis find her life partner - her best friend (after me!), my younger brother that I never had
- Write. In local dailies of Assam so that I can share what I read/learnt
- Write a book(s) ( I already have many story outlines chalked out. I need to start expanding them)
- Form a organisation which employs the best talent, intellectual capital and creates employment
- Travel a lot. See the world with sis and R. Show the world to Maa, Deta.
- Adopt 2 dogs of each breed!
- Have a big bungalow with a BIG garden where all the homeless dogs of the area can find love, food and shelter
- Find a solution to the stray animals problem
- Preserve Assam's culture. Bring in progress to the land
- Research on terrorists. Explore if written words can ever solve violence.
- Be a smart, intelligent mom - the one my daughter/son love and admire
- Once in my life, attend Harvard Business School. If I can't be a student, I will see if I can do my PHD there, or who knows teach there someday
- Love and security of my family - the most important thing in the world. At the same time what matters is linking them to the progressive world, to the greatness of the world
- Get Maa, Deta interested in world affairs, help them educate themselves. I want them to see today's world.
- Spread home
- Discover myself, and celebrate my uniqueness
- One day become my hero - Barack Obama (Columbia, Harvard Law School, President of USA, a loving father, pet lover, intellectually inclined, motivator, author, loyal spouse, leader, problem solver, strength of character - a great idol!)
- Above all - have hope, give hope. Inspire. Motivate!

My parents' dreams of me after Obama

2008-11-05T19:52:00.000-08:00

I am still reeling in the news of Obama's success. In some ways, I consider this my personal victory. In some strange ways I could relate to Jesse Jackson's tears, and to the cries of victory in Times Square. Yes - one would argue what do I know of Jesse's struggle to claim affinity? Very right. Probably being born to parents who belong to post independence India, I've no clue. But I do identify the feeling, and in some watered down versions of it still face it everyday - if not directly, through the struggles and pain of the brothers and sisters of my community. We have such a long way to go, and yet we keep ourselves busy in wars of religion, caste, and our own narrow visions ramified in our own narrow worlds. We have such a long way to go - human life can be so much better.

And in the midst of all the excitement and emotional whirlwind, my parents say something...

My parents have not been as involved with the election campaign as I was. In general, for them the local Assamese daily carries all the news that they care about the world. The world outside that newspaper seems so distant for them, so far away, so un-real. I'm perhaps their only connection to the world. And I've been bugging them with so much talking about Obama that my poor parents were forced to educate themselves on the American election and specifically on Obama. Bless their good souls - how much they will do for me! And my sister - I converted each of them to my hopes, my dreams, my beliefs. Thank you - Ma, Deta, Moo and now, Rajib.

Anyway, without digressing - my dad calls me full of excitement in the morning. He was traveling to work from home - he works in another town in Assam, away from our home. He perhaps had the solitude to make this calls; he usually doesn't do this heart-to-heart talk with his daughter in the presence of Maa. " Majoni, you must be still busy reading about Obama, enjoying his victory".And then he prepares for the ultimate objective of the call, " He has proved if there is a hope, a dream and a belief, its possible. You just need to dream big and strong".I agree energetically as I have been long engaged in this mission of making them aware of what's possible in this progressive world. And then comes the thunder, "Majoni, you've to become our Obama. You must. The world needs, specially our corner of the world, needs such forces. You will be able to do it" And then as if I'm almost in between things, he goes ahead to predict road blocks," But our system is a problem. Honesty and sincerity are put to challenge in our system. You must have the grit. But I guess being from the old world, I can caution you of the probabilities." Just at that moment, the network got disconnected. Good it did. Thank you - Assam's winding roads through hills. I could not have taken more of it. There was too much going on in my head.

After a few minutes, almost like a plot of conspiracy unfolding, Maa calls." So how are you feeling?" In some ways, my parents treat Obama's win as my personal victory. I respond to that question with gibberish -so much to say, so many good thoughts in my mind. Then in her motherly censure, " How long will we keep admiring other countries, other leaders? When will your generation give us that hope? Rise up to the cause!" That's my mother. She doesn't waste two minutes to tell me that her moment of pride is in seeing me do something that will change the lives of the majority of the community for better, rather than seeing me live a comfortable life in a beautiful house. This has been her tone always. But it become stronger after she finished reading "Daughter of the East". Doing good to the masses is her religion. She follows it passionately.

Maa, Deta - you've expressed a strong dream to me today. The very fact that you believe in my ability is inspiration, responsibility enough. I don't know how to collect myself. But I will for sure. Thank you for the strength. My life means so much more than the frustration in office, frustration over the boss who limits me everywhere, frustration from the system - your words spoken today will me steer me through the journey and accompany me to the destination. The journey doesn't seem difficult any longer; the challenges on the way don't bother me for I can see the world beyond the mountains. Thank you again.

But to start the journey, I need to prepare. And the first step is to cleanse myself. I must teach myself to think about the good - the benefit of all, benefit of self too - all balanced, and symbiotic. Lift everyone else with me. But to be able to know of the possibilities, I must first lift myself - see the elevated plan.

Kopili, I hope you're reading my thoughts. That's our journey Kopili, to make the best of our life. To work hard. To have dreams. And to conquer the world - with goodness, with talent, with sensitivity towards one and all.

I feel so much better!

Hurrah Obama! Audacity of hope!

2008-11-04T18:00:00.000-08:00

Yup - the first projections are out... Obama is all set to win the very important battleground state of Pennsylvania, and hence all set to win the elections. And I can't hide my excitement. I almost risked my position yesterday in a meeting with conservatives - but Obama did it. And by doing it, he gave hope to the likes of me - several thousand miles away!

Why did I wake up 5 AM to see the CNN update? Why does Obama's win mean so much to me? For Obama is a testimony to the fact - if you have a dream, you can do it. Thank you, Obama. I don't have political affinity or preference to any of the American parties - but I do know Senator Obama had all that it takes to lead. Impeccable character. Honest. Calm. Inclusive. Progressive. Fair. Charming.Inspiring. That's what is needed in the world today - an unifying force.

Obama - audacity of hope.

Evolution

2008-11-03T08:37:00.000-08:00

I had not shared this to anyone - but yes I got shortlisted for an interview by ISB for the class of 2010. The interview was good, but lets see where do I fit into ISB's scheme of things. I know diversity is a big thing, and only the school can assess how do I bring diversity to the class. I'm hopeful.

In between I've also been working on my business plan - the one around conserving the weaving crafts of the North East, especially the silk weaves. Before the ISB interview, I was working hard on this plan. I had taken a big break in between - various reasons - mostly mental disturbance because of the recent incidents in Assam. But I guess I should be doubly determined now to continue to work on the plan.

I did think in between if going the entrepreneur way makes sense as I need the security of money. Having money is having one less problem in this world.And why spend your time worrying/struggling for money when life is short and there are better things to put your life to use. I so much need the money to give my family what I want to give - and sometimes even for the mere sense of security.

I will work hard. Have dreams. And follow them.

And above all - I will remain positive about the state of things. There is peace round the corner.

Obama...my leader!

2008-11-03T08:29:00.000-08:00

I don't have political affinity. But being an outsider, I can only say I'm charmed by Obama's leadership. He brings people together. He is a gentleman. He has the qualities that a man admires and hopes to attain to become a higher human being. Yes, Obama you have my intangible vote. And if you become the president, you will do wonders to my confidence - you will give flight to my wings of ambitions. You've inspired me a lot, and I will closely follow you. I hope, I pray you continue to inspire and White House (if) doesn't change you.

And I wish India had its own Obama - a force that unifies and gives hope to its youth.

Outsource to India! But don't think!

2008-11-03T08:10:00.000-08:00

I don't know how many of you will agree - but this whole outsourcing thing has maimed the thinking capacity of those who are capable of thinking. The amount of meaningless activities that go on in such "outsourced" environments drive me towards frustration, made a "zombie" out of me.

4 and half years back when I joined the industry, I took pride in my "potential" - in my high motivation and energy. Some years down the line, the management of the outsourced industry ensured that my motivation, aspiration and energy is weaned off each day. Yeah - I started viewing myself a misfit to the industry. There's no need for original thinkers, for that spark of genius - you only need to keep following "processes". There is no space for creative thinking.

My boss too has succeeded in totally crippling my wings, by making sure that he makes me realize that he is better than me in whatever skills the organization needs - more often not the skills are "copy and paste" and format PPTs! There is no incentive to stay current with what's happening in this world as long as you know your processes right. Forget about all the excitement in the field of research in your area - they are so waste of time! The whole environment is so deprived of IQ that "going green" is associated with having green dressing theme! Give me a break, please - I need it.

My boss in order to make himself feel good criticizes everything that I've a knack for:) While doing it, he ensures that spark in me is killed and I too become a zombie like him.Another set of hands in the assembly like. Keep following the process, don't think!

Hello, Boss.You're so wrong. Your insensitive has only made me follow my dreams with a vengeance. I'm waiting for the day I can look into his eyes and say, " And you said I don't know what I want in life, and that I'm confused, and that ...." You were so wrong. Can't help it if my spark makes you insecure. That's how I'm!

But then, its not my boss's fault. I'm sure he too has the same frustration. The cribbing is universal across the different levels in an "outsourced" environment. But I will not sit and suffer. I will go out and do. Sorry, boss if your appraisal looks bad next year if you couldn't retain me - I need to "think" and keep alive the spark!
You can join me next year if you want to - atleast I will ensure you grow in the job!

Some thougts...

2008-11-03T07:57:00.000-08:00

Now I've been turmoil in the past few days - its not a "new" situation with me. But the blasts in my Guwahati has degraded my situation.The insecurity, the uncertainty surrounding my homeland disturbs me.... but no more.

They can't terrorize me! I will live life - a happy life everyday, have hope, and look forward towards a bright future.

God bless my Ma, Deta and my sister. God bless them with a long healthy and happy life. God give them enough energy every day to make most of life each day, everyday. God give them energy to create impacts in whatever ways - and make the world a better place. God give me that state of calm to make best use of the skills that I was born with to make a better world.

God bless R and me to prepare for a better future.

God bless Assam, North East, my country and the world with peace and prosperity. God give me strength and motivation to change things, to make things better.

I will do what needs to be done - live a happy life, and make best of every day!

Amen to good thoughts!

Enough is enough!

2008-10-31T10:37:00.000-07:00

Whoever...whoever planned those blasts? What kind of elements are you made of? Did you not see the little 5 year old girl with 80% burn suffer in pain? How was she responsible in anyway? She was just coming back from school!

Have some respect for yourself - for the life that flows inside you. What pleasure do you get out of this? What is your whole point? Has anything ever been achieved by bomb blasts, by innocent killings? Do they help feed stomachs, create jobs, preserve identity? We all need a world to live in. Give that a thought.

I'm sure you're motivated enough. Just do a bit more - if you've convictions, speak them out, debate them out like a respectable intelligent human being - in forums, in books - let your voice be heard. Why go the terror way when you can solve problems by collaborating with the mainstream? Pause. Think. If you're doing these things in the name of conserving identity - do it with intellectual pursuits. If you're fighting for economic progress, lets all brainstorm and create jobs, build enterprises.

Speak out loud - what are your eventual objectives at human needs level?

Whatever they might be, they can't be achieved by killings. It is wise to use the energy more effectively elsewhere.

Assam bleeds...

2008-10-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

My state bleeds. There are fumes everywhere.11 blasts in Assam.5 blasts in Guwahati in the span of 5 seconds. 68 dead. Hundreds are dead. What kind of statistics are these?

All I know is my state bleeds...Ganeshguri is in fumes. I grew up here. I walk these very area every single day when I visit home, and my family walks every day. I buy grocery here, catch an auto from the very auto stand and often plan a get-together in "Delicacy" - the restaurant which perhaps is in shambles today.

Panbazar DC Court - so much reminds me of my days in Cotton.

My Guwahati, my Assam is bleeding today.And I have no idea how do I react?

It took me quite some time to calm down. My needs in Guwahati have been very simple - home, school, college, friends, competition to get into the best college, shared cups of coffee, walks by Dighalipukhuripar,tuition in professor's colony, buying music from Meghali's in Panbazaar. I don't remember any hatred - all that we ever cared was to have momos with friends in the evening. And yeah - we also cared about Assamese music, the various folk cultures. Such peaceful was our land.

But like I told you before - our generation is different. We are better. We are big hearted. Hatred will not overcome us. We believe there is enough space for everyone to fit, and not kill for that piece of earth. We believe in sharing music. We believe in flaunting our different weaves. We believe in our simplicity. We believe in good life.

And thus, on a very bad day when my whole land is tattered, I have hopes. I'm listening to Papon - Angarag Mahanta. Papon, if you ever read this, I want to say "Thank you". Your voice and words bring in a sense of calm to this otherwise paranoid mind. We all need to be calm. We need to think.All we have is one life. Lets live it. Lets make it livable for everyone. Isn't that what we all need?

Fellow disturbed minds from the North Eastern corner, stay clam. Listen to a lot of music. I recommend Papon's music. It will soothe you. We have to go on. We have to bring in the peace. Lets keep believing in the walks by Dighalipukhuripar, in the evening momo sessions, in the shivers down the spine every time we listen someone mention North East - we're so proud of it, aren't we? Lets give peace a chance, hope a chance. Peace. Love. Empathy.

Ma,Deta,Moo - my life. God bless you always, and me to take care of you. God bless Rajib. God bless everyone's family. God give strength to every child to take care of her parents and siblings. I'm certain the world will be better. Believe.

God bless all the dogs. Powali, Utterly, Butterly, Deli, CORLEONE,BATHSHEBA, Smirnoff, Jerry, Jelly Bean,Jonaki, Tikhor, Chiku, Woolfie,Seuz, Blackie,Xonali,Travolta and all the other nameless four paws I know - without you I wouldn't have been me. Thanks for believing that I'm good. I wish I were half as good as you all think I'm.

Long live hope.Welcome strength, purpose.

We're a better generation....lets not be used!

2008-10-01T22:19:00.000-07:00

Mark my words – we will soon see another hippie age round the corner. So much of violence, hatred has left the today’s youth clueless .....and hopeless. Life can’t go on without hope, as you can’t cycle without pedaling. The youth will find hope, in a similar way that they had found once – in a world of defiance from the world around, in a boundary-less world, in love and acceptance, in music and beads and colors and spiritual pursuits. The only difference is today’s youth has become educated enough not to use grass to achieve God. They will use art exhibitions, literary pursuits. Really – everyone is tired now. You’ve one life man, just live it. Smell the flowers. Make love. Raise healthy babies who will perpetuate “you” in this world when you’re gone, show the world to your parents, discover new things..... and yes work for improvement, for a better life. Aren’t you and I are of the same age – lets prove it to the upcoming world – only hard work wins, sincere efforts win. Reach out – lets join hands. We’ve seen enough of destruction.
In your heart and mine, what feelings reign? Purity of soul. Purity of purpose. Lets put it to good use – its all the same, believe me. Its peace that everyone wants. And yes, an equal world. Let’s achieve it. Actually, goodness is in abundance in this generation – more than it was ever in the world. We’re more united than ever. We are broader than ever. More progressive than ever. More compassionate than ever. Lets stop being used. The youth can rock the world. Listen to yours – what does yours say? Spread goodness. And live in peace!

Crafts Council Of India, Raintree etc

2008-10-01T10:27:00.000-07:00

Now on the happier side. Or lets not label it “happy”. Let’s just call it “karma”. After a long time, I ventured out on my own today.
I took an auto rickshaw to Chitrakala Parishad where the Crafts Council Of India was holding an exhibition on textiles called “Vastrabharan”. Entrepreneurs, mostly women from different states of India displayed their weaves – sarees as well as fabrics. I must admit I was amazed – I must have away from the “weaves” scene for quite some time. A lot is happening. Young designers are implementing art inspirations on the sarees and the fabrics. They have “contemporarized” the age old saree. Innovation at play – blending of fabrics, new printing techniques, new color palette. Impressive!
I spoke to the convener – an elegant silver haired lady who willingly answered all my questions. The discussion soon went into the direction of the weaves of the North East. It seems lack of contemporary design sense and marketing talent, along with the steep pricing have stopped the same from becoming a viable business outside the North East. I couldn’t agree more. She asked me to be in touch with her and plan something.
Good – got a contact there.
Went to Raintree – the shopping extension of the Windsor Sheraton. Another good experience. There was an exhibition put up three lady entrepreneurs behind the cafe. Though they definitely came across as stay-at-home wives of rich and busy men who need some engagement, I must admit their assortment was more than just plain half-hearted time pass. I mean they have substance there. One of them sources eclectic jwellery; I really doubt her contribution to the business because all she does is “source” jwellery from abroad! C’mon!
The other two have implemented their creativity – one in diyas in mural, and the other in making tunics out of the left overs of her husband’s export business.
I ended up buying a few things for I needed a “conversation” with them. I’ve to do some serious follow-up and networking.
As anyone can make out, I’m tired and ready to hit the bed – but I’m trying hard to do this update. Many sad news around – a 26 year old journalist was shot dead last night when she was returning home from office. But now today – I will leave it to the cosmic force, I will do my karma – do my best, and then leave the rest to the one who knows it all, the force that rules the world. That’s what I can do best.

Believe in the light....its there...

2008-10-01T10:10:00.000-07:00

What is this? A mockery of human life? What started in Bangalore, followed by Ahmedabad, then Delhi, Delhi again in two weeks Malegaon, Ahmedabad again, and now my very own North East. There’s a pain in my head that doesn’t seem to go. I’ve been praying and praying. God – the cosmic force give the world goodness, bless the world. I’m certain the prayers will be heard. Definitely heard. I’ve been driving my family crazy by forcing them indoors. But then – its the festive season. This is the time to visit friends and family and share the good times together. That’s naturally human spirit.
No. I’m not ready believe the other side. There will be peace. We must strongly believe in it.
When I was growing up, my worst fear was that I will be religious some day. I was young and defiance was my religion. I believed cosmic force is in me – I’m my hope, my faith, hence I’m religion. I believed “God” ? ( I wouldn’t even use the term for I didn’t believe in idols made of stone) is intelligence, wisdom, sensitivity, goodness – hence “God” was in me – and that was my religion. Somehow down the years – I “converted”, somewhat. The person who would never pray in the traditional, customary sense began praying. As I grew up, I needed those conversations – the onslaught of the world around me was becoming too much to handle with my so called “intelligence, wisdom”. I needed to have my moments with “God” who I still define as a cosmic force who surely “controls” the world in ways that I can’t define. I know there is some force.
Protect the world - that’s my earnest prayer. Protect my family. Protect everyone’s family.
Even when I was agnostic, I believed in the powers of the scriptures. For the fear of receiving the “biased” interpretation, I inferred my own lessons from the scriptures. And I believe in “Karma Yoga”. Whoever is distressed like me – try this, it works. Sink yourself in “Karma” – the good will come. Let the good cosmic rays radiate from you, good will come. And pray. Converse with the voice. Converse with the force. Stay calm. Its after all – intelligence, common sense that drives everything.
The good will come. That’s inevitable. Have faith.

And now 5 in 25 minutes, in the national capital

2008-09-13T21:18:00.000-07:00

It would have been otherwise a great day – Maa is here, heard from Jennifer (of www.theants.org) in the morning, I met Smitha and Pradeep in the afternoon and spent 2 hours discussing the potential and the challenges of the crafts of the North East, visited Anokhi and Fab India in the evening to explore more about businesses around traditional crafts, read a lot of literature on Assamese traditional crafts which Maa had brought from Guwahati – these are my ingredients of a happy day, a day spent in following my passion.
But that was to be short-lived. For when I switched on the TV after returning home, I saw the most horrifying images on the TV – a girl wearing a yellow kurta lying in a pool of blood, and later leaving a bloody trail as she was being carried to an ambulance that she might not require any longer – and as she was carried, her limp limbs dangled by her sides – a scene I knew would remain with me for long times ahead – making it one of the several images that have stayed with me life long – like the image of the right foot of the lovely pair of shoes bought the previous day which fell down the bus as a sleepy 4-year old me forgot that I was wearing any shoes, like the image of the white frock I used to wear to my dance classes that I didn’t continue because I saw an accident on the way from the village to the classes – you know images not necessarily gory but strong, leaving long lasting impacts. And there were so many of them – a young man dressed trendily in denims and white shirt, his hands still clutching a cell phone lying lifeless on the street, young girls dressed in their best “weekend” outfits which now bore stains of blood – what the hell is the matter! I must have lost the news when it happened, which is surprising because I’m the “alert service” for my friends and family. My sister who I was on the phone with at that time updated me on the situation when she heard me cry in despair at the sights. Delhi has been rocked – 5 times within 25 minutes, and in busy places, in parks and shopping complexes. And lives bombs were still being discovered – one of them in a children’s park.
How does one keep sanity in such matters? I didn’t know how to react. I said a silent prayer to the unknown force to protect the goodness in the world, and to protect the ones I loved and cared for. But more than anything else, I prayed for courage this time – which is different from the feelings I would have in the past. Somehow these incidents have made me more fearless – may be that’s the case with most Indians now – you don’t fear any longer, you only try to make the most of the moment, for who has seen tomorrow? That’s the feeling I had. I asked for courage to make the most of the resources we have – and do what we can to change, change things for better. With that intention I called my sister – not to warn her from venturing out as I would do normally, but to reflect on the incident and do the best she can to impact the state of things positively, while rationally protecting our lives – that’s precious. It doesn’t make any sense any longer to keep hiding yourself from the probabilities of being terror-struck, it seems to be controlled by a random theory. We might as well get up and start working.
I could see that determination in the faces of Barkha Dutt and many other reporters I don’t know names of. I’m not commenting on the quality of your journalism, but on your courage – I admire you for refusing the safety havens and struggling to keep the spirit of human beings alive. I also saw the same spirit in young volunteers who came out to help after the blasts. It could be any of us – any that they were helping.
What do you want? I fail to understand that there can be bigger needs than basic needs of life – you know the basics that keep a human life alive so that the other faculties like intellectual and spiritual development can take place. I understand that fight – fight to improve the state of things for majority, but not harassing others in the process. But I don’t understand this fight.
All of you who make these bombs and plan these blasts – don’t you realise human life is precious – a lot can be done using the resources of one life – a nation can be given freedom, books can be written, new discoveries made – if nothing else, a few lives can be supported. What are you doing by depleting these resources, and in such disturbing ways? What are you proving anyway? That you lack the intellectual strength to win a logical argument? That you lack moral conviction in your cause?
No, no- I don’t support any suffering, yours included. But surely there can be otherwise. Your activities say you’re intelligent – and I’m sure you will have other ways. Are you sincerely immune to the agony faced by those that were killed in the blasts? Do you sincerely think you’ve avenged yourselves? You all look young and progressive, surely if not on any other count, you will agree with me on this – that you and me – we need a better world, right? For our future, for the people you care and I care? Can we all not come to consensus on that? I often see an image of myself in your efforts – you want to protect your people, like I want to protect my family. You want things to be better. Surely we can work together – for a better world. Think about it.

2008-08-30T20:39:00.000-07:00

Racism is the lowest form of collectivism - Ayn Rand

My vision of a business organization in Assam, as told to Maa

2008-08-29T23:42:00.000-07:00

Maa,

I've nurtured this vision of building a business in Assam that would be based on the "people, planet, profits" framework. My business vision will have the following impacts:

People : It will be a business model that will impact the people of Assam - create jobs, give them economic benefits, disposable incomes - while making use of the skills that they have, or have inherited from their forefathers. I want to build a business model based on preserving the art and culture, and identity of the people of Assam. Besides love of family, force of roots, of belonging to a culture, the identity of a community - always anchored me, and kept aligning me to the purpose of right use of my life and the skills I was blessed with. I would definitely want the rest of the children of Assam to also have that privilege - I want them to have a strong sense of self. My business model is to make high fashion, high style life style products out of designs originating in Assam, and the other hill states - from fabric to other hadicrafts. I'm dreaming big here. I'm dreaming of becoming an international brand. I will use all modern techniques of product assortment, replenishment systems, prediction models, inventory management, marketing strategies - to make this a successful venture. I will pick up all those skills - some of which I already have.

Planet : It will be a business model that will not disrupt the natural harmony of the planet - of the land of Assam. My organization will leverage the resources of Assam and will follow a method that will not deplete the natural resources, rather sustain it. Hence, I'm eliminating any flaw in the system that will lead to industrial waste and hence increased pollution, and hence imbalance of nature. One of the primary mission of the organization would be " ethical use of natural resource". I will grow trees to cultivate silk worms, and use renewable energy as much as I can. Our earth is in real danger - we often tend to ignore it thinking the problems will not hit during our lifetimes. We may be just lucky Maa, but our future generations - your grandchildren may not be. I want to leave behind a safer world for them for I want them to have a good life. And no region of the world will be a safer place -we will all be impaceted. So I better put some efforts in building an environmentally safe Assam.

Profits: I believe every business must make profits. For a business to be sustainable, it has to generate profits - it has to make enough money to pass on economic privileges to its employees, to its people.Besides, I also want to enjoy the fruits of hard work. I want to give a shape to the dreams of many like me - " If you have a vision, work hard for it - you get to do what you want in life". Hence I definitely want to have a revenue generating business model. As of now, I don't believe in non-profits. I want to make profits, so that these profits could be passed on the people who work hard to make these profits.

I also believe this industry will also give rise to increased profits in other related areas - tourism for instance. My organization will help build curiosity and interest in Assam and her people. People would like to see the land of origin of such unique design - for the same reasons people visit Rajasthan for. Like Bandhini is known all over, so would be Muga. I also plan to build museums which would tell the history of the land that I'm so proud of - but in a way and format that is attractive to the masses. Beauty charms all - and I will use the power of beauty of Assamese design to unify people and fortify my land, and my people.

Ofcourse I've to learn various things - strategy, finance, marketing, negotiation skills, network, blessing of some venture capitalists or angel investors - that's why I'm going to a business school.

Now, I need your help:

- What is the history of Assam's art and culture? What is the origin? What were some of the long lasting influencing and impacting factors? ( e.g Ahom rule, impacts of Sankardev's religious teaching on art & culture and design)
- Which are the most flourishing form of art & cultures? (e.g. muga, paat), Which vanished on the way? And why?
- Why these are primarily developed in pockets? e.g. Sualkuchi and not uniformly all across Assam?
- What are the factors of the success of these traditional businesses? What are the factors of failures?
- What is the cost price of muga, paat, endi?
- What is the usual mark-up price?
- How much of silk is produced?
- What is the demand?
- How much is exported now?
- How many well known retail outlets are there? I know Silkaloy is one of them
- How many individuals are doing good business? What typically are their annual revenue? Do they have consistent business?
- Do these retailers or individuals plan their business - predict how much they would sell, what should be the revenue 2/3/5 years down the line? Do they have a business plan, a methodical approach? Or do they just rely on instincts - without any data pattern?
- Anything else that you would tell me, I would listen:)

Lets see where do I go!

- Majoni

Private life in American Politics

2008-08-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

An American president's family life (or atleast a hopeful presiden'ts family life) has to open out for the entire country.Why do spouse and daughters and sisters and brother-in-laws and grandparents and parents become crucial factors in an election? Ironically, that too in a country which talks about individual freedom. That someone's son is in Iraq fighting doesn't make him a more deserving presidential candidate in the same logic that someone was brought up by a single mother. No, those can't be logical reasons of electing someone a president; those are just playing with emotions.

Well, I admire Obama's oratory skills - I respect his ability to motivate and inspire. But I don't like his attacks on John Mc Cain's number of houses. John Mc Cain's wealth, by birth or by life, does not make him a less desirable candidate. Similary, Obama's tryst with adversities does not make him a more deserving presidential candidate. Personally, yes - my heart goes out to Obama for he represents my situation in life. But wealth, or lack of it, doesn't qualify a president. Adversities or abundance is the determining factor itself; the end product is. Did adversity make an Obama out of you or delinquent - that matters. In a similar way - did wealth make a Paris Hilton out of you, or you chose to be Bill Gates, whose donations only make the dream of attending school possible for a few thousand children in India. Personal wealth, or the lack of it can't be political propaganda. I would not expect any mature person to use it.

And secondly, stop using your family. Stop bringing your wives to the convention and using public display of affection to fortify your image as a strong family. You don't have to exhibit that. Michelle's speech the other day was a stroong evidence of the intellectual compatibility shared that you share.( I actually found Senator Hillary Clinton's comments funny - Barack has a potential partner in Michelle to run the country? Now is the Barack the presidential candidate or Michelle? These may be confusing to an India who is new to American politics. But I was secretly thinking our Indian polliticians are not far behind - Laloo handed over reignes to Rabri; clearly Laloo must have been elected because he had an able partner in Rabri!)

And then I feel sorry for the two gilrs - the little one surely was awake past bedtime, and it was evident. Yes, I believe in supporting my family, very strongly, very undonditionally. But what's the point in exhibition? May that's not what it is done in India. Given our history, we often find only one in the family who is all out - rest are shadow.

I don't think so anyone in India elected Manmohan Singh because of his deserving family; but I do know Sigh's daughter has scaled intellectual heights.

In the true spirit of American freedom, Joe Biden'son can become what he wants to and John Mc Cain can live in the most luxurious house, provided they knew to respect their freedom and acepted their responsibilities to the community.

Green energy in 10 years - we can solve it

2008-08-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

India's poverty

2008-08-27T06:38:00.000-07:00

One third of the world's poor lives in India.456 million is the number - 42% of India's population if you consider $1.25 per day as the poverty line.

India also has 828 milion people, or 75.6% of the population living below $2 a day, beating Sub-Saharan desert, considered world's poorest region with 72.2% living below $2 per day level, or 551 milliion.

Is anyone taking note of these numbers?

Life is like GMAT - an open book test!

2008-08-27T06:21:00.000-07:00

That is quite an interesting observation. Life is like GMAT - the answers are all out there, you just have to learn the process of elimination,have to learn not to fall into the tricks and traps - but everything you need to score is all out there!

I guess that's the story. Most things that we learn painstakingly already happened - only we didn't know when they happened. Only we were sleeping. Mao,Regan, Marx - all lived many years before I was born. But I somehow discovered them only now. Many great movies were made during my grand father's youth, but I discovered them only now. Think about it I watched Fantasia when I was 25 or 26!! Why am I trailing? Why I did I lose out in the race?

And now - in the days of democracy of information, I no longer have an excuse of living in a third world country where even the newspaper arrives a week later.That used to happen in my childhood. I insisted on subscribing to The Hindu and The Times Of India, and I was reading news 4/5 days stale on a good day. On a bad day when Borjhar airport didn't let a plane land because of the weather, there's no news at all. I was very hungry at that time - hungry for information, hungry for knowledge. I don't know where I got that hunger from, but even at 10 I insisted on reading the editorial of The Hindu.

And then - action originated only in the west. Now action is here - China & India. But somehow I lost out. My knowledge became outdated. I learnt about China's "Giant Leap Forward" only now.Tsk tsk. Decades behind! Where will I get the time to catch up now?

Why suddenly I'm feeling this rush? Obama's age and Benazir's age when she was first jailed and Martin Luther's worry me a lot. Have I lost my opportunity? No, I can't. I'm determined.

There's a lot out there that I need to know and see - I've to make the most of life. Any moment spent is regret is a precious moment wasted. I need to look forward. I need to do.

I'm determined to make most of life, to create value, to justify my parents' act of giving me life, to be role model for my sister, and for the confidence of the generation to come.

Yeah! I'd experienced rock bottom. But the only way is up from there.

Yeah - I've a dream too. And I will make it happen.

A leader primarily motivates

2008-08-26T12:03:00.000-07:00

One has to master effective habbits painstakingly and guard one's daily activities to become a leader. Agreed, a leader has a private life. But a leader has public responsibilities - many would be ideolizing, mirroring the leader considering the example of the leader's life as ideal.

That's the boon, that's the curse of leadership - power to impact.

An upcoming leader must inculcate these in her character. Its not saying that a leader may not have flaws - its the story of uprising from rock bottom that matters, the grit and character that's demonstrated from every such fall.

More than anything else, leadership is about motivating - about building trust in self first, and then the system

Homework is needed everywhere - preparation for B-School or presidential election alike!

2008-08-26T11:53:00.000-07:00

You must be watching this space Red River – and sometimes I update just for you.
But I’ve been feeling an increasing need to maintain a log of my life – of my activities, of my changing convictions, of my increasing hunger to know the people who rocked the world and changed the way the people think, of my pursuit to know the leaders better, of my attempts to explore the purpose of life. Who know why – may be in my own capacity, I want to leave behind my own legacy, my own tales. Even if I fail to impact the world, may be my grandchildren will benefit from my accounts and will fulfil my journey. May be I just don’t want to be left to chance, and fear my story of life being misinterpreted for the want of more information.
The hospitalization and the hiatus from office has given me a big opportunity to read without deadlines. And I’ve been reading a lot.
Most of all, I’ve been following one emerging young leader – Barack Obama. I’m not equipped to comment on who will make a better president for the United States – the Americans will decide that. But I’m surely inspired by the Barack Obama story. And hence I’m following him, speech by speech.
His speeches triggered my search for the other great speeches of the world – including “I’ve a dream” by Martin Luther King.
I’m not here for critical observation of their lives – I’m here to just observe the common underlying theme of most exemplary lives – they were definitely human beings of superior skills. They were not ordinary. Martin Luther achieved all the greatness of his life in just 39 years; Kennedy became president at 43; and now at 47, Obama transcended mental barriers and is the first African-American presidential candidate. I don’t know who deserves to win the election. But I surely know Obama has the special ability to inspire young people. He surely inspired me – raised by single mother, economic adversity and look where he managed to go – Columbia, Harvard. He surely must have had some grit to attend these schools. He must have had talent.
Connection of the Ivy Leagues (Yale, Harvard mostly) is evident everywhere – even Daughter of the East Ms Bhutto attended Harvard. Contributions of these schools to the world are undoubted. And that’s why I hope against hope.
While I was turning the pages of history from Regan to Kennedy, from Hillary to Benazir, from Martin Luther to Obama – one thing was very evident. Over achievers, some level of intelligence, independent opinion, discipline towards a goal, well read, well written, commitment to a cause and not complacence of a 9-5 job – all lessons that I should learn. Lessons that I should learn to discipline myself better to make more use of my life, my time, my skills. I’ve to make use of what I’ve – create value; do something. Not watch and let it be.

All roads lead to Rome

2008-08-24T23:10:00.000-07:00

Eventually I guess all objectives and purposes of human life revolve around to make it a better life – a better planet, a better economy, a better set of beliefs – everything revolves around improvement, becoming better – at different levels though.
What else can drive all actions? Its only pursuit of this excellence, of this want to be better, to live better, to do better, to love better, to look better, to feel better – decides our actions, our goals.
We choose our goals and activities at different levels but we all aim to be better in some chosen field of endeavour.
And I also chose – a better planet. Easily said. But the task of breaking it down to doable tasks is bigger than the task itself!
That’s what I’m debating now – what should I choose to maximise the resources of one life? I’m doing what I can do - transactional activities – taking care of pets, taking care of my family, teaching the 14 year old boy to read & write and dream of a life – and I think I’m doing a good job.
But , what’s my big picture? Venture capitalists in an emerging market, research in economy geared towards removing disparity amongst the people in the world, leadership for an equal world – a better world… what is my calling, how can I make use of my life to make things better, and with maximum impacts?
I’m doing it all to better myself to her – one that will come after me; I want her to be proud of me. I’m sure this is the desire in every human being – and every human being makes attempt in becoming a better parent, but somewhere the bigger picture is lost, and mistakes committed.
Hence, I’m taking my time to see the bigger picture. Some argue I’m taking too long. But it takes time to bake a cake. Isn’t it?

Silence has a reason....

2008-08-18T10:37:00.000-07:00

A lot happened in between; ever since the last post. Wedding anniversary, sister's surprise visit,my first hospitalization,Dark Knight, Jian Carlos,discovery of People,Profit,Planet,Saddam Hussain,Abhinav Bindra's gold, Michael Phelp's abnormal torso and his attention deficit disorder, my questions about my job, many good books read because of the sudden time I won from my prescribed bed rest...many things. Unfortunately, I'm not able to update....for I can't sit and type for long. All updates will have to wait.

Meanwhile Red River, Panchi, Indu, Mami must be all preparing for Indu's wedding. It would have been nice to be there. But...

With my current health scenario, even the trip to US is questioned.And my B-school prep has also be thrown out of gear. But when I think of those days with the acute pain, everything else seems small in comparison. Good that episode is over. Atleast that's what I would like to believe till my next appointment.

A busy weekend, and a new home!

2008-08-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

Yes, I've been to Mumbai for the weekend, extended weekend I should stay for the weekend began on a Thursday evening.

The news that I received on Thursday itself was not good. Mom called up to say one of sis's close friends high school passed away on a road accident. He was the pillion rider. Mom asked me not to mention this to sis over the phone, and talk about it when I get to Mumbai at night from Bangalore.Buki, that's what we called him. He was Vishal otherwise. Can't describe my feelings - felt awkward. I've decided to train my mind to think less and less, and concentrate on what we have. Funny how sis can say such matters of truth is simple things. She puts things simply - her strength. And I've to make a melodrama out of everything, using complex sentences with phrases and clauses. Its simplicity which offers life's wise lessons I guess.

Anyway, reached Mumbai at 11:15 PM in the night. Reached home ion Powai at around 12:30 AM. This was the last night in the house in Powai. The next day is when we shift to the new flat in Mulund behind Nirmal Lifestyle. That's the mission I'm here in Mumbai for.

The next morning was a lot of packing, unpacking, cleaning and expressing irritation, "Why do you shop so much? Why do you leave all these bottles unfinished and buy new ones?" Well 0 the truth is even I do so. But right now the subject is "sis" and not me, and she, not me, will be critiqued:)

Well, in transit from POwai to Mulund we lost the brand new Sony camera. One more reason for me to give her lectures on being "responsible". And those who know me never knew me as "responsible". But being in charge of the mission gave me rights to "lecture".

I called the packers & movers, and the guy had to say, "The camera accidentally slid out of my bag to his bag!!" Whoa!! I could never decode that mystery. But surprise of surprises, the guy did come to return the camera. Spirit of Mumbai? May be! He said the other guy flicked it, and that the guy in question was bashed up when the sin was discovered.Anyway - lesson learnt.

And then cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning. the previous tenants were a bunch of guys. And now guys don't know what is cleanliness and the needs of hygiene! So one can imagine the volume of work.

ANd then there was fixing, fixing and more fixing to be done. Carpenter, plumber, electrician - which other vocation did I leave out?

But the good news - the owner is an extremely sweet person. She ends every telephonic conversation with,"God bless you my dear. Take care". She sent us breakfast, lunch and dinner all the three days!

And she a Golden Retriever - MAX! And the bonus - the folks staying the in the flat across have 2 dogs - a cocker spaniel Jenny, who was an exact replica of our own Butterly and a Rottweiler named WIncy! What more can you ask for!

We called the land lady for tea on Sunday afternoon. The "head fake" here was to impress her. We were so sure of our good skills of doing up the place that we wanted to hear the compliments loud and clear. And she did throw the compliments loud and clear. Have to ask sis to send a few pics of her new place!

And yes, I forgot to mention the movie marathon. The fact that we were 3 mins walk away from PVR is the icing on the cake. Actually its PVR + Crossword + AT home + Shopper's Stop + W + all the good places to eat! So on Saturday evening it was Mummy. And then on Sunday - "Ugly aur pagli" and "Caramel". Back to back. One screen to the other.What an experience. Caramel was a beautiful experience. One of sis's colleague - a guy, also watched "Caramel" with us. Poor fellow - Caramel is so much a feminine movie, he must have been completely bored. But sis & I decided to ignore the fact, and sink in. It is indeed a beautiful movie.

And then on Monday morning - the first flight to Bangalore. Woke up at 3:30 AM to catch the flight. And then another day at work. God save all those who work in the outsourcing industry. We will soon forget to think!

And after all this, miss sis around. She is alone in her new flat for the first time. Big girl she is now. I know she will manage, and show me how to in a few days!

Read Kongki and her sis's blogs. The "sisterhood" that they share and expressed in one of their blogs triggered me to write this blog too. Even when I'm tired from the travel, and know that I should rather be solving that math problem from the Official Guide or write the bullets for my essay. But then....

"Its about where you want to go, where others have gone may not be where you want to go."

What is schwag?

2008-07-30T08:03:00.000-07:00

The term schwag refers to all manner of logoed stuff given away by companies to get people to remember them, feel good about them, have their phone number and website at hand and generally make them think about them before any of their competitors. And studies show.... it works!! (see why buy schwag)

The original spelling is "swag" (for Stuff We All Get). A little web research has revealed that there is definitely a widespread use of the term, but no real consensus on the "correct" spelling. One site explained "schwag is what the coolest of the cool people say" and another site indicated it's "called schwag if the item is particularly good."

Other names for Schwag: tchotchkes,knickknacks, trinkets and trash, gack, promotional products

http://www.promosapien.ca/Content/What%20Is%20Schwag.asp

Will I Am!

2008-07-30T07:11:00.000-07:00

Came across the description of this book in New York Times about the American alter ego of William Shakespeare - a hash smoking grad student. The book is authored by Jess Winfield. Should be an interesting read!

Kowtow!

2008-07-30T07:09:00.000-07:00

Learnt a new word - Kowtow in the excerpts of the book, "Will I Am". Here's what Wikipedia has to say:

Kowtow (traditional Chinese: 叩頭; simplified Chinese: 叩头; pinyin: Kòu tóu; Cantonese: Kau tàuh) is the act of deep respect shown by kneeling and bowing so low as to touch the head to the ground. While the phrase Kē tóu (磕頭) is often used in lieu of the former in modern Chinese, the meaning is somewhat altered: kòu originally meant "knock with reverence", whereas kē has the general meaning of "touch upon (a surface

Where do the homeless dogs go when bombs blast in the city?

2008-07-27T10:42:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's what I've been thinking. Where do the poor animals go? They must have been hit by the dozen. Where do they recuperate? Poor things! Just before I started typing this post,I saw a dog running for his life, perhaps in shock, in a footage in one of the news channels.

Not making any demands, just thinking. The question has been on my mind for some time now...

I hate the rain when there is no half construced house..

2008-07-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

Yeah - I hate the rain when there is no half constructed house in the vicinity. Houses, which are being constructed are the safest haven for homeless dogs. They cuddle against each other in the midst of materials yet to go up in the construction. They take shelter from the rain.

From the past few days, it has been raining a lot in Bangalore. I used to love rains, love watching the rain drops make the leaves dance, love sipping coffee while watching the rain... until I saw the plight of the stray, homeless dogs. In my neighbourhood, construction of a building is going on. So the dogs of the lane have been safe so far. But not for long - the building is almost complete, and ready for human habitation. And when human beings occupy the house, the dogs must leave. The human beings will not even let these poor animals take shelter in the extension of the garages during rains. C'mon - you don't use that space for anything. Why can't you just be in peaceful co-existence? But this the age of mine, and only mine. My things. My wins. One seems to forget one can't drink gold, one will need clear water, one will need the trees, one will need the animals around, one will need joys of the unconditional love of dogs....

I've been wondering for a while on a secret plan. I wonder if Amir Khan will ever agree to make a movie for the cause of homeless animals. I plan to write to him - but I wonder if his secretary will call it trash and never let it be in Amir's inbox.

Amir is known to make sensible movies. Whenever he has made one, people have been influenced. The entire nation was colored saffron by his "Rand de Basanti". The movie even prompted justice in the Jessica Lal murder case. "Taare Zameen Pan" influenced many parents re-think their philosophy of educating their children. The movie urged everyone to unleash the creative side, to find the inner voice and not be social conditioned to live a life of imprisonment of the free spirit. Whenever Amir spoke, people listened. That's the power of cinema. In a country like India if one has to deliver a "message", it has to be for the masses. Awakening the minds of people who suffer from lack of aspirations, and sensitivity and a sense of "given up" is not easy. They have to be literally jolted. Yet, Amir has managed significantly well.

If Amir ever makes a movie on the needs to conserve the earth and love the homeless animals, the masses will listen and there will be a movement.

Amir, are you listening? Use the powers of cinema. Too many dogs are run over by cars on a mad rush. Too many homeless animals are treated cruelly by the insensitive and the ignorant. Make a movie - Amir.

Dear Red River...

2008-07-26T19:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Red River –
I was left wondering why is the silence on your side – yet no comments to my post which was only to let you know I exist. I know only you will keep checking this place – this is my secret connection to you, where I can rumble on, knowing you will watch me.And then I saw your "comment". I think that's the down side of opting for "moderating your comments" function in blogspot. And like in the past, your words give me answers to questions hovering in my mind.

You may have observed when I’m “figuring” out things, I take a hiatus. When there is so much of confusion and pain in the world, I need not add my drops. But the fact that I’m alive on this space is indication that I’m back. With a bang!
To your point, Red River, I do have lively vocabulary; I’m often described as a vivacious mass of protoplasm by most in my vicinity. But they need me, my lively vocabulary – that’s why I give them. This blog is my space to be download the thoughts in my psychic RAM – I need to do it somewhere. I can definitely try to be artificially ignorant about all the wrong things happening around me, but I guess ignoring is no longer an option. Everyone cares for the safety of their family, so do I and hence I think – of ways to protect them. But these thoughts that I have actually act as centripetal force, keep shaping me up for what I need to do – eventually. We all have to contribute towards a better community – and I think I heard the call. I can’t create the difference joining politics – politics is a waste of time in India; I doubt the capabilities of the Indian Civil Services – the service my parents wanted me to do to my people, but I can definitely feel the need for doing something – and I’ve been planning to serve in some way. But seriously, I’m not trying to be the next Mahatma, but no one can seem to ignore it any longer. I will have to do it for my own selfish motive of protecting my people.
I will concentrate on Assam. Start small. Empower one small group of people at a time. Red River, the children growing on the banks of the mighty river have no heroes to follow, and hence are under wrong influence. My aim is to provide them with role models. Give them a sense of confidence that they can build their lives, and not resort to destruction in insecurity.
I don’t plan to start another “Assam Movement”. Such things have their limitations. I will do it the sustainable way – a model based on economic progress, yet a sustainable community. I believe in sustainable business, business with a social cause. That’s the plan I’m shaping up now. My people need role models, and I aim to give them. I aim to give the growing children their set of Red Rivers, Randy Pausch, Marjiane Satrapis, Naina Lal Kidwais, Fantasias, Butterfly Museums....crayons.
I have ideas, but I need to refine them. I need to have business sense. I need to be sensitive to the economic factors to be successful in my mission. That’s why I need to go back to school to earn that tool box. For any ideas to flourish, the plan should be right. I want to spend the next 3-4 years planning. Meanwhile I will do what I can. If nothing else, atleast think.
And Red River, you mentioned crayons – quite a coincidence. I’ve welcomed back the colors in my life – I literally filled quite a few canvases with colours recently. What more, even sis bought her first pack of crayons after a long time. I can only work with circle of influence; I’m doing that one small task at a time.
And besides you can’t always get up on an early Sunday morning with the plans of painting the morning sun, when news of bomb blasts accompany the morning cup of coffee. I can fill my psychic RAM with lively, colourful thoughts of hope and I do so, because only lively thoughts can shape up constructive plans. But at the same time I want to think of a longer, sustainable solution. Its only in this space that I think aloud. I do it for myself, to clear my thoughts. I’ve refrained from expressing my thoughts in this space, but then I needed to rent out a space to download my psychic RAM – for the time being I like being Suwansiri. In the future, my address may change. But right now, this is it.
I’m doing fine, Red River. Most people around me have no idea there is this other phase of mine – they will never worry of my lack of lively vocabulary. You do for you know, beyond the calm that’s on the surface.
All’s well. And you’re my umbilical cord in the stem cell bank I guess, need you for survival. Please don’t be irked by that metaphor – didn’t know in what other way to express my need of you.
Love,
Suwansiri

Indian Mujahedin!

2008-07-26T19:35:00.000-07:00

Indian Mujahedeen claimed responsibility of the terror attacks in Ahmadabad. Mumbai is next. That’s what their email sent to several media houses minutes before the blasts in Ahmadabad claim.
My reaction – ask sis to avoid crowded places in the evening. But I will refrain from using negatives sentences in life and hence I will tell her human spirit is indomitable, and that we should continue to live true to out free spirits but we will be responsible to be safe.
The mention of the Indian Mujahedin did give rise to curiosity in mind. How can a human brain be so convinced, influenced to bring destruction to fellow human beings even while risking their lives. That’s zeal of some kind. And I would say whoever is leads terrorists outfits are “able” leaders – in the sense that the leader can motivate the followers to a mission. The mission itself is questionable, and is out of scope for this discussion. It’s the ability of the leader to influence the thousands for a single cause, and that too with all their zeal. Like Hitler. A lot to learn.
Hitler and the leaders of terrorists groups definitely will merit further study for research on leadership.
The desire in a common man to follow a leader can definitely be leveraged. It’s about giving direction to the cause that matters to them – basic needs, to a large extent, are causes enough. Food, shelter, education, safe families, safe communities – these matters subtle or explicit. The point is to study these causes, know them, and leverage them for a “win/win” solution. A human mind has to be caught by imagination to achieve the impossible. Every human being loves the feeling of successfully overcoming a challenge; of mastering something. The degree can vary. The key is to know that want and channelize it in the right direction.
While I say what I said I know my intentions have to be sincere, only then they will be effective. It applies for everything in life. Sincere intentions are requirements for being effective in any field of endeavour.

The thoughts in the evening after the serial blasts - 8 in Bangalore & 16 in Ahmadabad...

2008-07-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

Where do I start? Yesterday 8 blasts in Bangalore and today 16 blasts in Ahmadabad. What’s has come to be of this country? I had told my family earlier during one of these terror attacks that they should wind up work by afternoon and be home, but the Bangalore blasts in the vicinity of 1:45 PM has now reduced the “working day” approved by me by many hours. Obviously this is not a sustainable approach!
When today, my sister, and the person I protect the most in life mentioned randomly about a mall which she frequents to go for movies, I experienced discomfort. But obviously – that’s a response of an unhealthy mind.
I must teach my family to maintain the fine balance – remain rational. And hence, I must be rational myself. I must welcome “positive” thoughts, and make “positive” thoughts a habit. I must discipline myself to cultivate positive thoughts, to make them a way of life. I must embody all those little lessons of life that I want my family to learn and reflect on. My family includes – Ma, Deta and Munu. Hopefully R will also belong there someday soon. I’ve been trying to make this “outsider” a part of my life – marriage can’t at all be a day or an event; it’s a process and I’m going through it. There are some others in my life – my dogs – who are the causes of my happy being, but then I since I know I control the decisions in their lives and their circumstances to a large extent, I worry less about them. I know I will take care of them – there are other things that I’m unsure of, there are circumstances that I can’t control. And that’s why perhaps I decided to have faith, faith can work wonders. I’m not yet skilled enough to debate the existence of “God”. And till I’m proved otherwise, I will continue to believe in that someone – my Krishna. If this human body which only needs air and water and food to sustain can feel for a dog getting drenched to the bones on the road – there has to be something; there is an overall spirit. I believe in you, Krishna. You control destiny; you’re destiny.
Today I was reading Randy Pausch’s blog; he passed away yesterday – July 25th. What an irony, I had been thinking of him but only came to read when he was no more. But what a heroic life.
As I was going through the day’s activities – I decided/reflected that creating fear in my family’s minds and rushing them home and trying to seal them from the sun will not help the situation. It’s about enabling them; making their minds strong. It’s about positive feelings. Let me repeat it, once again, they will do fine – my mind is clear, thoughts are positive – they will do fine. They will think. They will create impacts by being rational, positive, well-rounded human beings. I will become one. And I will influence them to be.
Positive thoughts rule; Rhonda Byrne – thank you! My positive thinking will bring changes. I will work with circle of influence, and reduce my circle of concern.
Barkha Dutt reported from Siachen; Indu roams around the world, Red River is climbing the Kilimanjaro. I want my family to go out and chase the sun – to see the world. I want such a world for them? How do I make it happen? I must have a way – each of us will have to play our own roles.
And in the meanwhile, I’m beginning the exercise of getting into B-School. Yes – I need the degree. More now than ever. I’ve been thinking of a business model centred around the community for a long time now. Various factors seemed to act as the “headfakes” (Randy used this word in his book “The last Lecture” – protect the local art and hence the identity, opportunity to us my creative bent of mind, play with designs, cloros and so on. But the reality is a community centred business will perhaps try to cure some of the deep-rooted causes of incidents like the one in Bangalore and today in Ahmadabad. (Let me tell you this – just when the victims from the first round of blasts arrived in the hospital, second round of blasts occurred in the hospitals. How base immoral acts! How can “human” beings plan such horrible acts of violence?) Perhaps that’s my secret desire – to solve the situation. Perhaps I would have fled like many who fled their place birth to avoid the tension, but I guess I’m thinking today I’ve no option. I’m bound to think for I want to protect my family. And I can’t seal my family from the community – I’ve to heal the community to protect my family.
Today from the evening I’ve been thinking what separates me from them – why am I the way I’m and they are the way they are. Yes – there are certain things that can’t be changed. I was amongst those who won the parent lottery when I was born. But there are host of other things – the books that I read, the examples of heroes in the family, in my immediate society I looked up to, the school I attended, my friends – well many things. Things still boil down to economic enablement to buy the books one wants to read and so on, good education and abundance of role-models. Mostly, I think it’s the lack of the right role models that create negative energies.
But why business with a social cause has to be mirrored on the framework to sustain a community with – why should the culture, arts and crafts of a community be sustained?
Now I don’t believe in non-profit. Business has to be profitable. Only profitable business is sustainable. I work to earn a living, and so will the people working in my organization. That’s reason number one.
Reason number two like individuals, each community also has its strengths – progress will happen when the strengths are maximised. We produce great silk – lets create the market for such silk; lets create the demand for the silk that’s produced in our community – we will do a better job creating silk than making softwares. Maximise strengths.
And yes – why not for the mere cause of preserving our arts and crafts – these are evidence of our evolution, we can go up only from our foundation – we need the foundation. We need our sense of self.
How will by organization based on leveraging community skills “cure” the community – jobs for many, coaching, mentoring, role models, exposure, education.
I’m thinking of doing all this because I love my family, and I want to protect them, nurture them, show them a happy world. I will not lie there. And I’m not wrong each of us belong somewhere – that could be a start.
After “punching” and not typing as Mr. Forrester says in “Finding Forrester”, I’m feeling a lot better. Calmed Relaxed. My psychic RAM is not over flooded with million threads of thoughts. I will remember to be practical, rational. I will always think win/win.
And like Randy says –“Live a life of good Karma, dreams will come to you”. That’s the only option to live life – good karma, good action. Peace is guaranteed.
Krishna give me strength to focus.

Rediscovered Bangalore...and fell in love!

2008-06-29T20:04:00.000-07:00

It was after a long time, I decided to go out for breakfast rather than having my standard 2 min oatmeal and a milky coffee. It was a good decision. The fact that the chosen day coincided with the first gay pride march in Bangalore only added to everything that was in the city's favor. The destination was Koshy's, and the time 9 AM. 9 AM is quite late for breakfast to other busy city's standards where Mc Donald starts serving breakfast from 4 AM. Anyway - we reached Koshy's, and realised we were too late to arrive on a day when Appam and Stew is served in this old restaurant. But I didn't mind losing to others today. The crowd in Koshy's was different today - rainbow colors everywhere.And not the promiscuous hijra on the signals of Bangalore; these were regular people. In all possibilities - the guy next door could have been there adorned in the rainbow turban. They were all out of their closets.I respected their spirits.Being middle class has so many disadvantages. You're not in either extremes to have less opposition to your acts. You're middle class - the bottom of the pyramid...the most resistance. Your parents will ever have enough money to invest in you to have to pursue "safe" career choices and have socially accepted behaviors. The crowd in Koshy's were people like me - middle class, and yet more mature than me. They have been tamed by denial of their very true selves; they had to struggle hard to breathe..to laugh that careless laughter.Not only are they individualistic, they have confidence in their individuality and have expressed that individuality in creative art forms.

That I realised what I loved Bangalore for - the support system to pursue creative art forms - no matter what it is. The city of coffee and masala dosa is also the city of music and art and theatre.The city where you do your own thing and not be looked at. The city where you can take your doodles seriously.

I then walked by Brigade road and MG Road - places I've forgotten in the mad rush of mushrooming malls.( In fact I don't remember the last time I ventured out of home on a weekend more than 5 kms:)) The cooffee and dosa store, the magazine store where you can find all the magazines in the world, the "pecos" pub - where its only about meeting your old gang over music and which has not given away to "sleaze" and "noise" and "big bucks", the street store where I used to buy trendy footwear for Rs.100 each....and eventually Crossword; by far my favorite in Bangalore where I discovered Van Gogh,Klimt, Calvin & Hobbes, Agatha Chritie - reminiscences of a time of my life where things were near perfect.

Thanks gay pride march, you revealed that side of Bangalore which I loved.

Outsourcing...a joke!

2008-06-29T20:01:00.000-07:00

Today I heard one more of those perennial jokes on outsourcing..(some have better names and call them "captives" and "economic arbitrage" and "talent pool optimization" and "leveraging time zones" blah!!)..A man wanted to outsource the cleaning of his ears...and an Indian doctor wins the bid. He claims he is professionally equipped to clean ears. I bet he is!

I seriously need a career change now!

For you Red River...I continue to live

2008-06-29T04:39:00.000-07:00

Red River …You know it’s for you. It’s for you I started writing, and it’s for you I have attempted in the past and continue to do it even now to write. And yes, today, after all these days I read your comment about life’s is to live and not pedal. And that was way back in November, 2007!

Well, I’ve lived in between. Pedaled may be at times, but pedaled because I wanted to live.

And before I go ahead, let me tell you even though I had been planning to get back to writing – what prompted me is your post on Father’s Day. No, that can’t be true. Your magic still works on me. I receive an email from you, and the bounce returns to my steps. I may not write back to you. But I live for the next few days. May be I don’t give you the pleasure of knowing that your magic worked. But yes, I live for the next few days. And hence it hurt to see you hurt.

Hmm…how life has changed in between? For one, I’ve become paranoid. Well, what else can you expect after you see a young cousin living with you in the same house become a mass of decaying flesh? Not too much a bright picture there. I end up thinking about those who are dear to me – without whom my life’s well n-o-t-h-i-ng. (Can you ever imagine such a picture, Red River? Its scary!)And to add to that my friend suggested me to read Rhonda Bryne’s secret. And now I dread my thoughts. I got this feeling that I control their lives, the outcomes in their lives –and the thought made me paranoid! A complete freak. I became obsessed with praying, in forced positive thinking….and a helpless state of nervousness. And it doesn’t help when the thoughts conceived in a human mind tends towards the negative zone.

When you can visualize smelling the daffodils, you only end up imagining a rowdy taxi driver executing his evil plans – the same driver who was supposed to drive you to the daffodil field.
It’s a scary world – a father murders a young girl (somehow such crimes don’t freak me!), a boyfriend rapes the trusting girl alonghis gang of friends, brutal accidents, bomb blasts….life was never a certainty, but now more so and with more vengeance, more blood, more pain. I value life. Can’t anyone grant me a calm, peaceful life?

I’m not even talking of murders of the other kind…mental killing ; killing the individuality, the spirit. I’m not even going there. I’m talking of basics here – the ability to breathe air everyday, the ability to move the vocal chords and respond, the ability to move the limbs around and just be there! It is not much - I’m not asking for the moon.

Now you know – Red River, I’ve got frayed nerves. But I’m getting better.

The good news is I discovered crayons and colors, movies and comics, books and craftwork……..to become normal again, to live and not pedal.

Love you – Red River. How will I do without you!

Life is all about pedaling!

2007-11-07T20:09:00.000-08:00

There are days when you feel like writing, and I believe you should just write on those days. You never know when suddenly you’ve no life left to write. Yeah, my pessimism is scary at times. But am I pessimistic, or realistic? But the fact is you got to move on. I read somewhere life is like riding a bicycle, you have to keep pedaling or you fall down. But the fact in life is that you don’t have the option of not pedaling, you’ve to keep pedaling. Will falling down solve your problems? Oh! Yeah you’re down and out, and have no energy to pedal… fine, you fall down.. but you’ve to get up buddy…for you won’t be able to lie down their forever… while you’re lying down there, a moving vehicle will run over you, then you’ll be taken to the hospital by some well meaning passerby… temporarily, you’re happy… someone is taking care of you, ensuring you have the capacity to fight life… but you forgot he has to pedal his own bicycle…he will leave you soon…and then you’ve to face it again….you got to have the energy to pedal, pedal till there is no more road to pedal! Funny! Now when you’ve no option but pedal, why don’t you pedal well? Why don’t you take up that job and earn that extra money to get yourself a better bicycle, one of those fancy ones which has gears? That should make pedaling easy. And now that you’ve a fancy bicycle, why don’t you run a race? Since all that you got to do in life is pedal, might as well pedal well, and have fun pedaling, pedal like no one pedaled before, pedal with all your energy.

Wow! What an analogy! I know Red River you’re reading this! Tell you what – I’ve millions of thoughts like this which somersault in my cranium. At such moments I feel why didn’t have “superwoman” skills and punch my keyboard to freeze my thoughts at the speed of light before they are lost. They might not do anyone good other than me. But they do me good!

Why didn’t I meet you earlier in life Red River? Everything has a cause in life. I’m one of those believers in a supernatural power having a hand in all that’s falling into place..all parts of a great play written me. No – I don’t call him God… there is something… some big idea…some big conspiracy that we are all a part of.

I read a few days ago in the book of Rhonda Bryne about the “law of attraction”. You get what you think. Quite unlike the other law in physics which states opposites attract. In life, like attracts like. You get what you think, what you want. The more passion you put in what you think, the sooner it realizes. Now the word of caution is the human brain can only process the thought and not the “negations”; which would mean when you keep saying, “I don’t want to be late, I don’t want to be late”, the human mind processes “late,late and more late”, and tunes your system to react in a way which eventually makes you late. On the other hand if you think , “I will be fearless”, the mind processes “fearless, fearless and more fearless”, and tunes your system in a way that it ultimately becomes fearless. And you might have observed that we are very energetic when we tell yourself what we don’t want. And that explains why you keep receiving what we don’t want in life! The more energy you put into your thought, the mnore is your body tuned to get it!

Moral of the story – remove the “negations” from your grammar. Sow only the positive words. I will win. I will figure it out. I will have a wonderful life. I will win the race. I will pedal well!

Voila! You figured it out!

All that I wish for...

2007-11-05T06:54:00.000-08:00

I pray to the one who gave me life that I respect the people who gave me life – may I always respect what they gave me, and do justice to the act of giving me what they gave me. That’s my wish. May I always be able to protect my little sis, and to all these people may I give only reasons to be happy. May I always work hard – to the best of my ability. May I always stay focused.

May I also never forget that I was born to make a difference – to find homes for the homeless animals, to give the unfortunate the courage to dream.

May I always remember the purpose of my life, and not waste away. May I be a life well lived.

Nothing else matters.

- Amen

Another of fleeting moments with words...

2007-09-08T08:06:00.000-07:00

Wants of life, and the ironies of love,
Of people’s strife to lock and keep.
Free is the soul, and so is its content..
And you thought a prison could keep?

A pair of blue eyes, and a smile that heralds,
Tiny feet and curly hairs that cover the eyes..
… Oh! I long for you more than ever!

Promise to you, promise to life..
You will come the day I am,
Struggling, fighting, kicking…
Everyday to claim my piece of life.

Someday I will.
And someday you will come… my shot at immortality.
You will live after me.

Live.Not exist.

2007-09-08T07:31:00.000-07:00

Today I’ve opened the MS Word with a determination to post something.. I’m scared of having not told all the stories I wanted to tell in lifetime. I’m scared of not being known as me. I’m scared if I run out of time before I could unveil the real me.I’m scared of never having enough time to bring smiles to the people I care for. I’m scared that someday suddenly when I no longer have a voice and just an inanimate mass, some people will claim rights to my life. Stay away – you’re never a part of my life, don’t be a part of my death. Stay away – all the curses of life. Stay away – all the unnecessary dirt that I collected along the way. Stay away – you were never in my thoughts. Today when I have I don’t have a voice, don’t take advantage of the silence and claim your rights to my life. My life belongs to those I love, and the ones I love know who they are. Rest – beware. Stay away from life, stay away from my life when I’m dead.

Life is fragile. And I’ve seen how fragile it can be from a close distance. Its funny how a feelings and opinions have to be held back during one’s life, while all that a living being has is a life to explore …. To be the magic that’s in him. You just have one life to be you, to love – most importantly love yourself for all the multifarious nuances of feelings that arise in you. I wish I could shout and claim once and for all. I wish I could say the “thank you”s that I really wanted to say all the way. Ma, Pa, Moo. I wish I could say “****” off to all the other parasites of my life. I wish I could break free and dance a peacock dance in the rain…. I wish I go for a long drive, and discover my own haven. I wish I was lucky enough to find my peace of mind, my love. I’m a die hard romantic, and a believer in love – and no amount of intellectual maturity will take those beliefs away… those desires away.I wish I could tell everyone – don’t be shy, afraid of who you’re.You never know today may be the last day you walked down the street to have coffee with a friend with whom you can laugh for hours, last chance to tell your sister you love her, tonight me the last night when you get to dance wild to the music to groovy music alone.. I’m dead scared of not having done what I wanted to … of leaving things unfinished, incomplete. I’m scared of not being me. Get up, be you. NOW.

Make those phone calls. Say those thank yous. Make those confessions. Get rid of those unwanted parasites and live a free life. Share your dreams. Write your vision. Create value out of your life. Its precious. Its you. And while you are here, celebrate your life …enjoy the colors. LIVE.

Firebrand & Stimulating:LA meets my dream come true!

2007-04-04T11:40:00.000-07:00

LA told me about her today.About her choices in life - Vice President,20th Century Fox and manage the finances of a $20 million projects, something else and Rupert Murdoch's fund management for his MySpace adventures. He met her before her interview with the old guy.By far the most brilliant person LA has met in his life. And LA has met people - Steven Levit, Fidel Castro, Friedman are his personal friends."Harvard" was written all over her face. Intelligence was oozing out.

And then it came.

2000 similarities with you. The way she talks,smiles,looks - her background. She's from Jadavpur University.

What are you hinting at, LA?
May your dream come true!

Memo Stick

2007-04-04T11:38:00.000-07:00

I love the concept- "Memo Stick"

I was flipping through the newspaper hurriedly as I normally do in the morning. There I saw - in the right hand top corner,"You can stick this ad anywhere. Even in your customer's mind."

Introducing MemoStick. Prominent, easy-to-peel-off and difficult to forfet advertising. Especially suitable for sales and promotions of direct mailing. Available in sa standard size of 7.2 cm X 7.2 cm, in 4 color.

Quite creative I should say, Times of India!

Dating Oursourced!!

2007-04-03T17:46:00.000-07:00

Took a break from office today. LA is traveling back from the Apple. I prefer working from home when LA is not around - the office is too disruptive.Actually its disruptive with or without LA, but presence of LA makes up for all other kinds of loss. Two minutes of LA can propel you two years closer to Nirvana.That's LA. And I'm not overstating. Like him or hate him, he has proved his mettle - demonstrated his ability.Firebrand. Stimulating. And to think he only sleeps 4 hours!

Digressing!

Anyway - the day started with a debate - captive vs BPOs, insourcing vs outsourcing.She was with GE's captive BPO for 4 years till GE became GENPACT and started opening the gates to a bigger world. She works for WNS. I asked WNS who? She called me an ignorant pro-captive! NASDAQ has called WNS one of the best BPO's in the world. Ok. OK. Actually - while Bangalore is the Silicon Valley, Gurgaon is the BPO valley.My friend is from Gurgaon. Huh - what vocabulary we have these days - captive model and cost centers'! I was telling her about this - dating.Outsourced!!!

Yeah! You're right.The hype over match.com and the similar ultimately brings in more work to India. Certain BPO's handle the actual profile matching. So beware. You never know if your neighbor Sunita is creating a match for you for the profile that you submitted while you were on that short trip. Yeah - that was a real poor joke.At the billing rate of $12, these employees make matches and send some 50 matches for the $19 paid to register in the website. All's well. But - ignorance is not bliss. Many profiles are submitted with celebrity photographs.And our brothers and sisters from Tier II cities, from where these offices mostly run, are not very familiar with the faces of celebrities.So an obese Margaret Eliot can borrow Sarah Jessica Parker's face to fix up a date! Bummer! But the management has found a solution - once a week a celebrity familiarity training is given to these employees so that they stay current with celebrity faces! Heard about staying current with technology skills!Oh - what a training!

To write or not to write!

2007-04-03T10:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah. That was the question.A few posts down the line my blog reflects my immature control over facts and figures and cynicism! After reading a few blogs of my very critical friends - I thought I should not continue creating more posts here. I will draw to many critical appreciations, with all malice and cynicism.

But finally decided against it. Well - I know those brats will laugh at my immaturity (the melodrama over Starbucks.. why did I ever write it!!), so what!! So, like Veronica decides to die, Suwansiri decides to write. And seriously.

Another impulsive shot at life!

2007-04-01T02:00:00.000-07:00

Yeah - my life is pretty impulsive. Ofcourse there's a good and a bad to it. Impulses like this one is good - the impulse to write. What caused those impulses - Red River to a big extent, and then in a funny way R's visit to Stanford campus. Only in the morning LA messaged to tell me that he's met someone like, but only from HBS! And that he's never met someone so firebrand and stimulating! HUH! I also flipped through the albums of some of old school friends in the social networking site - "Orkut". Pretty faces, big jobs, bright careers!Life's good!

What do I lack? Probably its human nature, inclination to know it all, do it all. And that's the reason for my impulses all the time.

Someday I want to stpe on the threshold of HBS. Someday. That's what I live for!

Dec 2004 - June,2006.

2007-01-02T10:27:00.000-08:00

Donald Da's dad - my jethu passed away, well actually withered away.Last stage of cancer when diagnosed. But by some twisted fate he was convinced the growth is benign even when the doctors read out the reports infront of him.

Those few days were an emotional turmoil for more reason than one.And I've no words to describe. So lets leave it there.

But I still remember one incident that I want to write about. It never ocurred to me why the tomb next to Jethu's was half the size of any surrounding tombs.It would have not occured to me if that little girl who was standing next to me didn't point it out to me during the burial ceremony."Read what's written on the tombstone", she told me."Dec 2004 - June 2006". That explains the size ofcourse.Suddenly - I felt lucky.Touchwood! Life! And I still complain so much. As a Bengali poet once said," pran ache, pran ache - pran thakle maan ache". Pran ache - I've life, and I've everything.I've life to germinate a thousand thoughts, and who knows when the time is right - I've a life and the wonderful potential of creating life.

Destiny's home found!

2007-01-02T10:24:00.000-08:00

Destiny's destiny with me, though short, ended on a a very sweet note - we found her home. A few posters on trees and a few newspapaer inserts later, and surprisingly only one phone call after - we found Destiny's home.Destiny was actually Browny! And she dances to her name!

Met "Destiny" a couple of times on the road - she recognised me pretty well. Have a good life - Destiny!

How many comebacks... and how many days...and so many in between!!

2007-01-02T10:21:00.000-08:00

Spell sporadic ...and I'm the personification! And in so many ways! I'm sporadic about everything and anything in life. New year is also the time of new resolutions...so here I'm back... I'm writing for my need of writing. I will start from where I left, try to fill the gaps...and then ramble on as and when.. So here I go!

Destiny..

2006-10-19T20:28:00.000-07:00

Destiny…..

Walking down the busy CMH road, I see this happy creature wagging her tail and galloping into the world in front of her. She can’t be wrong. The world is a happy place. Busy roads. Cars honking at her.Ignorance is her bliss.Is this not party time? I’m out to explore the world.What is the harm? Where is the harm? People are friendly. They only help.Wish you good.Blah Blah Blah.

My first instinct was doubt. At 3 months (that’s what she looked like), busy CMH road is not the place to walk without a leash, and forget about a potty-pee-spree that some owners send their pets for without even bothering to follow them.I stood and watched behind her.No one following her.Now she had come too far away from a prospective owner walking behind her.She’s alone! A three months old lab – pampered silly by her owners is all set to face the world, and spend a night by the corner paan shop – if only she had not been run over by a speeding vehicle driven by a drunk/stoned brat.No.Can’t happen.

She took to me in a playful way. Of all the people walking down theh road, she chose to play with me.Well, girl – this time your instincts are right.I will find you your home.I take her back to the lane she walked out of which luckily also leads to my home after a few bifurcations.

Now was the time to see this silly girl demonstrating all her silliness. Talk about digressions. Her walk-to-home or so I would like to believe was full of full-circles: circles around every tree, circles around every car …sniffing them to glory, and staring at the gates of houses.Let this house be hers! Let this house be hers! Redundant thought.I let her lead me in her digressions, hoping she knew the way back and these digressions are just a reflection of her confidence.I know the way back! I’m comfortable.I’ve time to spare, so why not sniff the pee of some more of my kind!Huh – dogs!

There I go walking all over the place with her, with a heavy Dell laptop on my back and few paraphernalia that I often carry home from work.She seemed to have lived in a cocoon for she doesn’t know cars are “dangerous” things.She simply doesn’t let them have their way on the road.Well – I’m walking, so you stop walking if this is my playing territory!

My! She’s cute!She has a blue collar round her neck, and a few blue bells. And the fact that she resembles my friend’s dog doesn’t help my heart break.So after 45 minutes of digressions, enquiries to passer by, I realize if I’ve intentions of finding her real owner I must not seem too obvious walking with a lost dog.Too many people would be happy to claim a high quality Labrador puppy.I remember in my paraphernalia I had yummy garlic bread from Pizza Hut.I had refused to bring the leftover from lunch home, but my friend forced insisting I can have food for a change at home!Without the garlic bread, ot would have been impossible to bring this restless creature home.

So “Destiny” and me reached home.Destiny sniffed every corner of the house.Drank water.Had food.Played.And right now “Destiny” is playing with two others of her kinds – two wonderful Goldens, while I’ve a mission : to return her to her home. I know the pain of losing a pet, for sometime ago I had to go through the pain. “Utterly” starved the night he was away, and frightened. We did find “Utterly” eventually. I hope Destiny’s family knows that she is having a nice time, holidaying – and that she will be back soon.

Obituary to Common Sense

2006-10-18T21:06:00.000-07:00

This one is a good forward that's worth reading....

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense. Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).

His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place- Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches/mosques/temples became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge financial settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and I am a Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on; if not, join the majority and do nothing.

Scared...

2006-10-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

The following are not my words.Penned thoughts of a friend of mine.Like me, I believe every human being needs to be scared ....

"The dullness of sanity which breathes beside me, opens up my senses to the other side. It's scary to realize how much we do not know. Should I be scare of things we can shun out; bridges we might never cross. Why? Leave the dead in their graves. I say, stop being afraid of the self and let your senses feel, your nerves breathe. I'd be worried if the world is any less absurd than me. It's not! No worries, no fears. I think I'm cured.

But then, how many of us we've not met, how much of the world I might never know; here I abruptly isolate the "I" from the "We". You see, whereas "we" refers to a human race that has lived a 10,000 years, survived revolutions, discovered north pole, invented gun powder, composed the 5 th symphony, painted "the kiss"; the "I" has only read about them, indulged in small talk, watched the news, taken rumours for facts, grabbed some beer, mimicked heroes, chilled out mockery; and basically has faded out. Leave the dead in the graves, they say. I never buried them. They linger in the hide park. Forever will. I'm lying, guys – of course I'm afraid. Shit scared!"

Angarag Mahanta .. the next generation

2006-10-14T11:20:00.000-07:00

"Dhowe Dhowe Naiye
Ki kotha patise,
Mone okole kaar kotha bhabise?
Mone okole okole kaar kotha bhabise?

Dhowe dhowe naiye
Kaare kotha patise?
Duronir jpitora jumi jumi saai..."

I generally consider surfing without a purpose a terrible waste of time.But my find the other day is worth the time.

http://www.papon.co.in/

Please check the website for an insight into the work of Papan Angaraag Mahanta, son of Khagen & Archana Mahanta.May be I'm a late riser in this matter, may be the whole world knows about him. How could he remain hidden anyway? His music should not remain unheard, and that's why this email.He is a singer,composer and a musician - and his work is new and creative.

That creative genius flows in the Assamese is a matter of unbound joy!

Calvin & Hobbes

2006-08-25T09:21:00.000-07:00

If life were a strip out of Calvin & Hobbes! I can't help loving this kid, and his sensiblity (or the lack of it!), and his obsession with intelligence(as he would like us to believe!)If I were to sing "These are the some of my favorite things...", Calvin & Hobbes would be in the fisrt stanza!

Come Back Post!!

2006-08-25T08:55:00.001-07:00

Red River,don't expect much! But atleast I got started!

Well, where do I start? Its been long – very long that I wrote. I left the shores of the Promised Land, and things changed for me. That was a virtual scenario – I was where I wanted to be always. I came back to India for a life of struggle.

I had an idea of what I could achieve with my life only when I was in the Promised Land. If I work hard enough – there is no end to where I could go. I had often asked myself why do I want to touch the sky, why do I want to soar high? I always liked my mentor’s attitude towards money – if you have money, you have one less problem in life. If you have money – you can buy books, you can send your sister to a grad school, you can travel around the world, you can give comfort to your parents. Definitely money is not the only aspect of it. But its also true one of the things that comes along with toil is money. Every time I see a stray dog getting soaked in the rain in the Silicon Valley of India, my heart aches. There are so many homeless animals in India – they are left to the onslaught of human beings added to the onslaught of nature. Every time I see an animal crushed to death by some speeding vehicle, I become disturbed to an extent I can’t carry on with my normal activities. But I’ve realized the solution to all these problems is remaining disciplined now, and then serving them when I’ve the potential. “ Bhimor gada dangiboloi hole Bhimor bol arjjan koribo lagibo.” May be I should wait. May be I should wait till the time I become a Indra Nooyi. Only then my voice will be heard. Only then I will be able to make a difference. Till then I need to maintain silence. I remember reading a composition on “Nirab Sadhana” ( Silent Endeavor) when I was in high school. May be that’s the key to life. To attain anything in life one has to be worthy. Till one is worthy one should practise his skill silently – one should endeavor silently, or else one’s energy will be over in the journey, much before the goal is attained. “Bhimor bol nathaki Bhimor Gada dangile akal bardhokya he hobo.” That’s also my fear – will my energy be all over much before I reach the goal? Will I be dwarfed, shortsighted by the clutter around me, and eventually give up? Will I remain disciplined enough to realize the vision that I had since my childhood. So much has changed since then. So many mistakes committed. But from any point of life, one can only become better. One can only rectify one’s steps.

Answers to any question that life throws on you always lies within. A wise person accepts the answers and goes ahead.A wise person always knows to ignore what is not worthy and keep walking.

Keep walking … Johny Walker!!
I had no plans to make this come-back post so mellow! So tried splashing some out of place humor!

Yes, I will write more often!
Thanks, Red River, for being what you’re in my life. I also owe my life to the Red River.

Mochi and Maya & Kedan

2006-06-18T00:07:00.000-07:00

Kedan

Mochi

Maya making Mochi dance to her tune!

Stella ...

2006-06-17T23:36:00.000-07:00

How do you explain this cuteness!!

Starbucks and me...

2006-06-17T23:25:00.000-07:00

I've this emotional thing with Starbucks.Don't get me wrong - I'm not one of those westernised young Indians who swear by everything that's American.There was a phase in my life when I couldn't afford even a coffee in Starbucks.Today in the morning I did something - not only did I have hot chocolate in Starbucks, I bought myself a Starbucks coffee mug.That was a big moment in my life.I felt proud of myself! The Starbucks in Nicolet Mall, Minneapolis across the Target Store will always remain special to me.

Way to go, Suwansiri! The world is waiting for you!

Archiving,Magnet Max etc in the MOA

2006-06-17T23:09:00.000-07:00

Now you must understand these are my last few days in Minneapolis, so I'm stretching to explore as much of the city as I can.Actually exploring the city is a vicarious pleasure for me - these are also my last few days in the US:my promised land.So after all those walking around, I really get tired at the end of the day - nothing will tickle those creative juices, nothing.I've a lot to write - one whole week's adventure, but the story of a lifetime squeezed in a week.But I need more time to do justice that phase - so, I'm not trying. Meanwhile here's updating what I can.

The Visit to the Mall

Of late I've come to enjoy the visit to the biggest mall in the world - Mall Of America. I love taking the light rail from the Nicolet Mall station, and then going all the way down to the last station of Hiawatha Line, Mall Of America.It takes me roughly 35 minutes, and I know the route well now - almost guessing what the next station would be.Well, this gives pleasure because I figured out everything on my own. I love venturing out on my own.

It has become a habit to grab one of those brochures the moment I enter the mall from the North Parking Area from the Underwater Aquarium side.I've discovered that the mall is an interesting place to explore for people like me who are in search of curios and of course, the best deals.Today I decided to explore everything under the "gifts" and "hobbies" section.Then I realized tracking shops by numbers is not a very efficient way, so I decided to go round "Mall Of America".Silly me!! People plan to go round the world, I go round Mall Of America!!

Before I go onto my other adventures,let me brag of something - I bought a dress for $5!! A really cute dress for $5.That's where my pleasure lies - beating money in its own game! So you thought you've power, money!! See I can defeat you so well - you thought you'll intimidate me?

Today while roaming around, trying to complete my task of visiting all the stores under "hobbies" I came across "Archiver - the photo memory store".I was bowled over.I could never imagine there are so many ways to be creative while preserving memories/photos.A hundred - no, a thousand ideas rummaged my mind.I wish I could take all that I want.Its not about the money, but the idea.I saw so many beautifully made scrap books.Its amazing what a lot you can do with creativity and, a few buttons and ribbons and paper and a scarp book.Instantly I knew I will be trying my hand on it the next time I have a few hours to myself.I got a "graduation" kit to make an inspirational scrap for my sister.Many different ideas were tempting me to buy a whole lot of different things, but I thought its a better idea to judge the space I have in my boxes.I also enrolled myself for a basic class on scrap booking.

So much to do - and so less time.I don't understand this inherent human behavior - we realize the value of time only when we have no more of it!
Anyway - I've learnt to put the best foot forward always, all the time - I can't waste any more time thinking why didn't I do whatever I didn't do!!I've to keep moving, running to the next goal - the next hurdle on the way,till the time I make to the destiny - the peak.(Now I've to dramatize everything! That's what a friend commented long time back - instead of taking things as things, I've to dramatize everything; I even dramatized archiving!!)

"Magnet Max" is another of my favorite store in the mall.Its a magnet lover's paradise - anything and everything you dreamt in magnets, is there!

There was a store dealing only with flags, another only with socks - and aptly called "SOX Appeal"!!

Well, for those who are reading this , please don't give up home yet! I'm tired, and I had to post something - so here you are, something better than nothing!! More tomorrow - hopefully!

A Sunday well spent

2006-06-04T22:07:00.000-07:00

Taco and Chilly

I don't know why, but I've always found mentors around me.People who have been there, done that - always are eager to show me the way to walk.And one such person is Abhrodita.I hate her other name - Aby, so much in contrast to the beautiful,long Indian name she has.But for the ease of typing, I will call her Aby.So Aby was hell-bent on spending the whole day with me.She has to teach me to live life - that was her agenda of the day.I find it hard to believe that she so selflessly keeps on pushing me forward - always motivating me to push myself beyond my limits that I had set for myself.I often wonder why! I find no answers.Its hard to believe in this self-centered world, there are people like Aby who love helping others be their best.Aby has more confidence in me than myself.(I know I should not brag about lacking it - but!)

Anyway - so Aby decided to take me under her wings today, guiding me through the streets like an elder sister,opening my eyes to oncoming traffic and opportunity, literally and otherwise.

We ate in this amazing Malaysian restaurant, and Aby made sure I sipped "Bubble Tea".I wonder why it is called so!Its no tea in the first place!Actually what we would call a mango-shake, and then there are these funny things which feel like bubble when they end up in your mouth through the straw.Funny!

Wikipedia:"Bubble tea is a tea beverage with tapioca balls mixed in. The Taiwanese name for bubble tea translates to "pearl milk tea" (珍珠奶茶). When tea is shaken, a thin layer of bubbles forms on the surface. Due to the foaming process, any tea that is shaken during preparation can be called bubble tea. "Foam black tea" (泡沫紅茶; or bubble black tea) and "foam green tea" (泡沫綠茶; or bubble green tea) are also common drinks made by shaking sweetened tea. After pearl milk tea was brought to non-Asian countries, it was given the name "bubble tea". Since the most notable difference between bubble tea and other tea is the tapioca at the bottom of the drink, some assumed that the "bubble" in "bubble tea" referred to the tapioca. The pearls in "pearl milk tea", however, do refer to the tapioca "pearls".

Bubble tea is generally split into two types: fruit-flavored teas, and milk teas. Milk teas may use dairy or non-dairy creamers. Originating in Taiwan, bubble tea is especially popular in Asian countries such as China, Hong Kong, South Korea, Malaysia, the Philippines, and Singapore. The drink is also popular in Europe, Canada, and the United States."

The other end of Nicolet is a very different neighborhood - sign boards change from English to Spanish to Chinese to Somalian on this street.Our motto of walking down all the way from 1st to 26th Street was to visit those many Chinese departmental stores that punctuate the entire length, and find shrimps!Aby is a great cook - and she promised me the most delicious shrimp cooked in Bengali style.I was excited.So I voted to carry her grocery all the way back for the treat in the evening.

On the way back I met - who else but these two absolutely cute Jack Russell:Taco and Chilly!!The names are absolutely a match!Spent some time coochi-cooing with them.While the good-byes were said, their dad said something very striking,"Hope you enjoy your stay here.(Aby told him I was here from India for a short time.)Sorry about Bush."That statement left me quiet for quite sometime.The people of this nation are so humane - so unlike the person who rules them.

In Aby's cozy den, we watched Bridget Jones, had typical Bengali-style adda over cuppa chai, and eventually cooked shrimp.Now Aby does a neat job out of it.

We went for a stroll to E-Block, in and around the famous 1st Avenue.I've hardly had company in Minneapolis, and I thank Aby for the wonderful times.We went to the famous Hard Rock Cafe.Got my chocolate shake in a souvenir glass.Oh yeah! A graduation party had just got over in the Target center across the street,and hence Hard Rock Cafe was full of cloak wearing teenagers, and their family.The result - Aby and I got two chairs to sit,but no table.Instead there was this empty stand for the table.The ash-tray made up for the absence of the table though.

We walked back to home once done with the drinks.Madhu - a friend of Aby joined us for dinner.Aby wanted me to meet Madhu.I found out why - Madhu is the kind of girl I had always dreamt to become.She did her school in University Of Minnesota, and at her age is an over achiever.She appeared to be a completely focused girl in life.I mean she is so organized and oriented to her goal.Another lesson learnt.Madhu helped Aby in her attempts to give a direction to my struggle to break free from the rut, and become someone.She helped me draw Plan A and Plan B of making my dreams happen.

Madhu dropped me home.Once left alone - my thoughts started spinning.Why should totally unconnected(with me) people like Madhu and Aby try and drive sense into me?Why should they try and make me believe that I'm capable of much bigger things?Why should they bother at all? I don't have any answer.May be Red River you're right.Our generation has compassion - in abundance.They are a bunch people who are happy to see others happy.Long live the likes of Aby and Madhu.

Bubble Tea

Rolly and me

2006-06-04T02:06:00.000-07:00

I met Rolly today.I had often seen his kinds on Saturdays in downtown Minneapolis.And I used to wonder how malnourished Indian horses looked in comparison.These horses look majestic - huge,they have a steady gait -command respect as they draw a decorated carriage down the Nicolet Mall.The animal lover in me simply can't resist talking to any I come across.It took me quite some time - and many talks to convince myself that service dogs should not be patted.Why?How can anyone ever resist patting a beautiful Golden Retriever, sitting demurely by a person she is helping?But I've learnt not to disturb them anymore.

I always wanted to talk to these beautiful horses - wanted to figure out if they connect to human beings like dogs.I found my opportunity today - there was this young girl escorting one of these beautiful creatures today by Hyatt.With some hesitation I spoke to her - she luckily welcomed it.So I talked to Rolly.Rolly is big because he is a draft horse.Even in America, riding horses are smaller - and perhaps resemble what I called "malnourished" Indian horses.Rolly is a well-behaved,shy 9 year old kid.He let me touch his mane,and would curiously flip his ears whenever I said something.He knows I'm talking to him!

Wikipedia definition :"A draft horse, draught horse, or harness horse is a large, strong horse bred for heavy work rather than speed. Draft horses are commonly used for ploughing and farm labour in pre-industrial societies. They were also used to pull heavy delivery carts around towns, shire horses hold the record for the biggest horses known."

I asked the girl what prompted her to work with horses.Her prompt answer,"Oh! I love horses - I simply knew I had to be around them all the time." How enjoyable life becomes if you do what you like.

So, I spent a whole 30 minutes hanging around Rolly, while the girl told me a lot about draft horses in general, and Rolly in particular.All the while, Rolly would shift his legs,flip his ears,would sway his head sideways and look at me furtively.Then suddenly, he stiffened... his focus was unbreakable,his eyes were fixed on something.There in the distance,trotting away to glory was John - Rolly's friend.Rolly could not remove his eyes from John.Draft horses are very emotional - they are herd animals, and can't do on their own.They need company - a fellow draft horse,or a human being who assures their safety.It was a joy to see Rolly's expressive eyes - how his entire being changed in seeing his friend.I call this sight a miracle.An animal's world is so exciting.They can teach you so much - and give you different perspectives altogether.

As I said bye to Rolly, I remembered "Bunty" - from Marine Drive,Mumbai.I must have seen Bunty only a couple of times - but his image is vivid in my mind, and so is the face of the young boy who used to drive Bunty's carriage.Its a human instinct I guess- I would definitely look out for Bunty amongst the horses on Marine Drive whenever I am on Marine Drive again, and I would wait till the time Bunty is free to catch a ride.Stay safe - Bunty.

So finally I became a blogger

2006-06-04T01:11:00.000-07:00

This had been going on in my mind for quite sometime, but always found an excuse to procastinate - time being the biggest alibi.Then I met Red River, and as I was going through his blog - "A view through my window", I finally realised the significance.Yesterday was the first time I talked to Red River in my life.And to think I had been holding on to an image of him since the time I was a four year old - young,but old enough to be curious.After this long hiatus - I'm suddenly into his life, I know what his life comprises of,his ways of reacting to a situation - he feels bad,sad when he goes to drop off his daughter in the airport;connects to a cat;runs marathons... his posts said it all.I became a part of his days.I know him now.But perhaps he doesn't.For I don't have my life encaptulated.He doesn't know about my love for animals - and all the dogs who changed the course of my life.He doesn't know my affinity towards Jayanta Hazarika,and how I can't stop myself from dancing whenever I hear "Khiti khiti koi oi lahori".Its time I did something.So here am I, Suwansiri.Ironically, I don't know much about the course of Suwansiri.But yes,it seemed to signify me.Suwansiri being a river signifies my urge to keep flowing- to keep living.Suwansiri also signifies my roots - a very important aspect of my life.So hoping to flow.....and flow....