Dear Red River...

Dear Red River –
I was left wondering why is the silence on your side – yet no comments to my post which was only to let you know I exist. I know only you will keep checking this place – this is my secret connection to you, where I can rumble on, knowing you will watch me.And then I saw your "comment". I think that's the down side of opting for "moderating your comments" function in blogspot. And like in the past, your words give me answers to questions hovering in my mind.

You may have observed when I’m “figuring” out things, I take a hiatus. When there is so much of confusion and pain in the world, I need not add my drops. But the fact that I’m alive on this space is indication that I’m back. With a bang!
To your point, Red River, I do have lively vocabulary; I’m often described as a vivacious mass of protoplasm by most in my vicinity. But they need me, my lively vocabulary – that’s why I give them. This blog is my space to be download the thoughts in my psychic RAM – I need to do it somewhere. I can definitely try to be artificially ignorant about all the wrong things happening around me, but I guess ignoring is no longer an option. Everyone cares for the safety of their family, so do I and hence I think – of ways to protect them. But these thoughts that I have actually act as centripetal force, keep shaping me up for what I need to do – eventually. We all have to contribute towards a better community – and I think I heard the call. I can’t create the difference joining politics – politics is a waste of time in India; I doubt the capabilities of the Indian Civil Services – the service my parents wanted me to do to my people, but I can definitely feel the need for doing something – and I’ve been planning to serve in some way. But seriously, I’m not trying to be the next Mahatma, but no one can seem to ignore it any longer. I will have to do it for my own selfish motive of protecting my people.
I will concentrate on Assam. Start small. Empower one small group of people at a time. Red River, the children growing on the banks of the mighty river have no heroes to follow, and hence are under wrong influence. My aim is to provide them with role models. Give them a sense of confidence that they can build their lives, and not resort to destruction in insecurity.
I don’t plan to start another “Assam Movement”. Such things have their limitations. I will do it the sustainable way – a model based on economic progress, yet a sustainable community. I believe in sustainable business, business with a social cause. That’s the plan I’m shaping up now. My people need role models, and I aim to give them. I aim to give the growing children their set of Red Rivers, Randy Pausch, Marjiane Satrapis, Naina Lal Kidwais, Fantasias, Butterfly Museums....crayons.
I have ideas, but I need to refine them. I need to have business sense. I need to be sensitive to the economic factors to be successful in my mission. That’s why I need to go back to school to earn that tool box. For any ideas to flourish, the plan should be right. I want to spend the next 3-4 years planning. Meanwhile I will do what I can. If nothing else, atleast think.
And Red River, you mentioned crayons – quite a coincidence. I’ve welcomed back the colors in my life – I literally filled quite a few canvases with colours recently. What more, even sis bought her first pack of crayons after a long time. I can only work with circle of influence; I’m doing that one small task at a time.
And besides you can’t always get up on an early Sunday morning with the plans of painting the morning sun, when news of bomb blasts accompany the morning cup of coffee. I can fill my psychic RAM with lively, colourful thoughts of hope and I do so, because only lively thoughts can shape up constructive plans. But at the same time I want to think of a longer, sustainable solution. Its only in this space that I think aloud. I do it for myself, to clear my thoughts. I’ve refrained from expressing my thoughts in this space, but then I needed to rent out a space to download my psychic RAM – for the time being I like being Suwansiri. In the future, my address may change. But right now, this is it.
I’m doing fine, Red River. Most people around me have no idea there is this other phase of mine – they will never worry of my lack of lively vocabulary. You do for you know, beyond the calm that’s on the surface.
All’s well. And you’re my umbilical cord in the stem cell bank I guess, need you for survival. Please don’t be irked by that metaphor – didn’t know in what other way to express my need of you.
Love,
Suwansiri