Its been a while

Its been a while since I last wrote, and like always so much happened in between. But I'm closer home literally, metaphorically - I moved back to Guwahati, Assam in hopes of doing what I always thought I should. It is not particularly easy - not with everyone doubting, not believing in the intensity of the ideas that nurture in me. But then, I figured out its important - its important to me more than anything else, its important I gave that part of me an opportunity to surface.

Oscars,passion, goals of life....and morning cup of tea

I got up – determined that today will change things. Today will be that moment in my life when I will live for the purpose, and find the purpose. I woke up quite early for that purpose – I dragged myself out of the bed at 5:30 AM in the morning – a habit that I had lost in the recent times.
Its always soothing – the quietness of the morning, the soft light, the fact that I’m one of those who are ahead of the mass today – the fact that I’m ahead and an early starter, terrific feelings. I was almost about to write a post on the importance of a cup of tea early morning – but then other things came – certain realizations and certain facts. Yeah – but an early morning cup of tea has its wonder effects – true to the campaign of one tea brand – it just wakes you up to your surroundings. I guess the Oscar awards playing live on Star Movies had a catalyst to play – somehow all these incredible people and the magnitude of their achievements, people who embody passion in what they do made me realize one thing – you can’t do anything without passion. There is no point living life without passion, without embodying passion.
These are the facts for the day –
• I realized there is no point staying separate from your family – no matter what is the price. No amount of money can ever take being with my sister – the fact that I could wake her up in the morning, pep her up for the day – these are wonders by themselves
• Second realization – hard work is a must for any success. To achieve any amount of success worth the mass – so much more goes into it
• More than working hard to be a success in the mass, if what you’re doing is your passion – its the addiction of perfecting it – of pushing the bar
• My father got transferred to Sonitpur when he was thinking of getting transferred to Guwahati – to home. I understand his pain – but he will not tell me.
• I understand now , more than ever, of controlling your life and not letting a job, others control it
• Did someone not say the other day – “If you don’t write your the story of your life, someone will write it”
• Ofcourse I ask myself – will I be able to pull it? But I also know now is not the time to doubt – now is the time to believe in myself, and go for it
• I ask for strength – God give me some
• And yes – like the show I’m watching now – I want to excel at a world level, to achieve something at that level
Faith I have. Believing is having. I will have a wonderful life.

Wisdom from Satya, founder of CareerLauncher

"...You live your life by your individual balance sheet, by your own profit and loss statement...Don't waste time on what others think, say, just live your life, your purpose in life. In the end - only you makes sense..."


I heard this is in a TiE "My Story" session

MIT...

Well, not the one in the Cambridge campus by the Charles river in Boston...but the one in my life..."Most Important Task". I've been reading about how to make effective use of time that I've in general ...each hour, each day...etc. I started by getting up early. Its working. There's nothing like getting up early and beating Mr.Sun on his own game. I see him rise up the horizon while I sip my morning cuppa. So long, Mr. Sun ..dream on!

Anyway, now that getting up early is not my battle any longer - deciding what to do with my time is the next question. I view these extra hours that I've in the morning as my perfect world - I don't have to deal with interruptions, or be involved in engagements on trivial matters, or be expected to act in a particular way because the majority thinks a certain a way. Well - there I digressed again.Brought the job into my life, into my blog post. The frustration is so much - more so about me because I'm not doing anything about it. I'm tired of acting as someone else in my day job - well, because I don't want to waste time resolving conflicts, having nonsensical arguments. I can be my argumentative Indian self elsewhere - not the job. It just is not required - or I get into these conversation which yield nothing. Even the brightest idea ( I was talking to someone the other day how effectively social media could be used) does not ring a bell. What's the use?

Anyway - back to MIT.

So, everyday I tell myself - what's the most important task of the day for me today? The process of thinking through it helps me shape up my day. Not always I can identify what's the MIT - those are bad days for me. At the end of those days, I feel indifferent. That's the worst thing - indifference. It should be one extreme:) But yeah - thinking of MIT helps.

What's the MIT for today? Start thinking!!

Silence after the mayhem

No, No... I've not given up. Not after all the mayhem,bloodshed and the war on my country. No, I've not given up. I'm just preparing my to-do list. This time I need time to think through the list.

Basic rules - action within my scope of control, timelines, accountability - all basic project management. But yes, this time its my country who needs my services.

I started with a small step - spreading awareness. Now, one would argue that's vague. But this is how I've achieved objectiveness

- Never remain silent when I, to the best of my knowledge, know that I'm hearing is incorrect - morally and factually
- Influence through written and spoken words. Start contributing to the local dailies of Assam. I will have to start small - graduate from my state to my country and who knows, to the world. And as Maa says, people in the cities have access to publications but its the people in places like Guwahati who need hope, assurance and ideas.
- Educate the uneducated Indians; not letters but ideals. My action - teach Manoj. Today I taught him about the geographical boundaries of India, earth's rotation & revolution. I want him to appreciate the world at large, and grow out of his small village. THis is my dream for every Indian
- Learn, learn, learn - Indian history, world history, politics, economics, international relations - with sis & Rajib. Answers to today's problems are often found in history. So, I will make myself aware.
- Make an attempt at Civil Services. If ISB happens, take social entrepreneurship seriously. Otherwise, start executing the plan. My hope preparing for IAS will atleast give me the foundation to know my country & world diplomacy/affairs better. I can always reconsider how best is to serve the country, make use of my life
- Intelligence, ability are gifts. Make use of them. And its a sin if I don't use, and more so, if I let incapable people lead me. Leadership is an attitude. And leaders are also responsible to rectify irresponsible leadership of mistaken-leadership

Keep motivation high

Life is in control if you forget worrying about death

Is it because of the fear of leaving the world without the story being told? May be. With the current uncertainties, may this is the way. But life is in control if you forget worrying about death. And that's how it should be.

The other day my kid sister had a bad dream. Little girl - she called me up and shared her dream. She was disturbed. I told her what I had discovered myself - that there is hope. And I told her good that she had the dream, atleast now she knows some thoughts were buried in her system somewhere and now are being expressed. The key is to wash those thoughts away from the system. They are just extra baggage. Obviously she told me - "Yeah Ba, I know. I will be fine. Its just the situation in Assam, and Maa & Deta live their alone". I remembered Rhonda Bryne and I told her, think good, you will get good. And I believe in it strongly. There's hope. Make best of life. Live it without worries. I believe in the strength of my prayers.

I felt bad for her. She lives alone.I need to do more than just think. Love you sis.

And then I remembered my own paranoia. The blasts in India had left me completely disturbed. But somehow, I have hope now. Its very immature to be so obsessed with Obama. But his win has given me hope. If nothing else, I've a direction in life. Focus. And sometimes you need those forces in life.Someone who is testimony to the fact that anything is possible, if the intention is right and there is sincerity and hardwork.

Life's bucket list

Its very important to have one - or who knows you might end up living a life that means nothing to you. I wanted to make mine today - pretty much because I thought I needed focus in life. For once, I wanted to assume there's no limitation in the world - you know truly "impossible is nothing" types, and dream on... what can possibly motivate me each day, everyday to go that extra mile - to make use of my life? It's not an easy discussion - and every time I start this exercise I end up in bed with a headache that dispirin can't cure.

But I'm proud of myself that I attempted very hard!

There again I started the day with today's editions of MINT, Economic Times, Times of India ( this one is losing respect soon for the level of journalism) and, BBC and CNN.What would I do without news channels? R actually suggested that I take consider studying Public Policy and who knows serve Indian Government by being Rahm Emanuel if not Barack Obama. Not a bad thought! But I wonder if Indian politicians would ever need qualified public policy advisers. Anyway.

On another note, it was encouraging to see so many Indians in Obama's transition team - Preeta Bansal, Sonal Shah... I heard a few more names that I can't recollect now. When will India feel the need of them?

Here's what another respected channel reports - Boby Jindal might as well be the Republican presidential nominee.... wow! not bad!

But anyway, I was supposed to write about my bucket list. But somehow all the preceding discussions have a connection - very much related to my bucket list. Here's an attempt:

- A healthy, fit me and promote the same to Maa, Deta, Moo and R ( the last one is almost impossible, he can't give up junk!)
- A completely aware me. I must be as updated as CNN, BBC, Newsweek, WSJ,Vogue(!!),HBR, McKinsey Quarterly. Spread the same to Maa, Deta, Moo. (R is already ahead in the game)
- Find/help sis find her life partner - her best friend (after me!), my younger brother that I never had
- Write. In local dailies of Assam so that I can share what I read/learnt
- Write a book(s) ( I already have many story outlines chalked out. I need to start expanding them)
- Form a organisation which employs the best talent, intellectual capital and creates employment
- Travel a lot. See the world with sis and R. Show the world to Maa, Deta.
- Adopt 2 dogs of each breed!
- Have a big bungalow with a BIG garden where all the homeless dogs of the area can find love, food and shelter
- Find a solution to the stray animals problem
- Preserve Assam's culture. Bring in progress to the land
- Research on terrorists. Explore if written words can ever solve violence.
- Be a smart, intelligent mom - the one my daughter/son love and admire
- Once in my life, attend Harvard Business School. If I can't be a student, I will see if I can do my PHD there, or who knows teach there someday
- Love and security of my family - the most important thing in the world. At the same time what matters is linking them to the progressive world, to the greatness of the world
- Get Maa, Deta interested in world affairs, help them educate themselves. I want them to see today's world.
- Spread home
- Discover myself, and celebrate my uniqueness
- One day become my hero - Barack Obama (Columbia, Harvard Law School, President of USA, a loving father, pet lover, intellectually inclined, motivator, author, loyal spouse, leader, problem solver, strength of character - a great idol!)
- Above all - have hope, give hope. Inspire. Motivate!

My parents' dreams of me after Obama

I am still reeling in the news of Obama's success. In some ways, I consider this my personal victory. In some strange ways I could relate to Jesse Jackson's tears, and to the cries of victory in Times Square. Yes - one would argue what do I know of Jesse's struggle to claim affinity? Very right. Probably being born to parents who belong to post independence India, I've no clue. But I do identify the feeling, and in some watered down versions of it still face it everyday - if not directly, through the struggles and pain of the brothers and sisters of my community. We have such a long way to go, and yet we keep ourselves busy in wars of religion, caste, and our own narrow visions ramified in our own narrow worlds. We have such a long way to go - human life can be so much better.

And in the midst of all the excitement and emotional whirlwind, my parents say something...

My parents have not been as involved with the election campaign as I was. In general, for them the local Assamese daily carries all the news that they care about the world. The world outside that newspaper seems so distant for them, so far away, so un-real. I'm perhaps their only connection to the world. And I've been bugging them with so much talking about Obama that my poor parents were forced to educate themselves on the American election and specifically on Obama. Bless their good souls - how much they will do for me! And my sister - I converted each of them to my hopes, my dreams, my beliefs. Thank you - Ma, Deta, Moo and now, Rajib.

Anyway, without digressing - my dad calls me full of excitement in the morning. He was traveling to work from home - he works in another town in Assam, away from our home. He perhaps had the solitude to make this calls; he usually doesn't do this heart-to-heart talk with his daughter in the presence of Maa. " Majoni, you must be still busy reading about Obama, enjoying his victory".And then he prepares for the ultimate objective of the call, " He has proved if there is a hope, a dream and a belief, its possible. You just need to dream big and strong".I agree energetically as I have been long engaged in this mission of making them aware of what's possible in this progressive world. And then comes the thunder, "Majoni, you've to become our Obama. You must. The world needs, specially our corner of the world, needs such forces. You will be able to do it" And then as if I'm almost in between things, he goes ahead to predict road blocks," But our system is a problem. Honesty and sincerity are put to challenge in our system. You must have the grit. But I guess being from the old world, I can caution you of the probabilities." Just at that moment, the network got disconnected. Good it did. Thank you - Assam's winding roads through hills. I could not have taken more of it. There was too much going on in my head.

After a few minutes, almost like a plot of conspiracy unfolding, Maa calls." So how are you feeling?" In some ways, my parents treat Obama's win as my personal victory. I respond to that question with gibberish -so much to say, so many good thoughts in my mind. Then in her motherly censure, " How long will we keep admiring other countries, other leaders? When will your generation give us that hope? Rise up to the cause!" That's my mother. She doesn't waste two minutes to tell me that her moment of pride is in seeing me do something that will change the lives of the majority of the community for better, rather than seeing me live a comfortable life in a beautiful house. This has been her tone always. But it become stronger after she finished reading "Daughter of the East". Doing good to the masses is her religion. She follows it passionately.

Maa, Deta - you've expressed a strong dream to me today. The very fact that you believe in my ability is inspiration, responsibility enough. I don't know how to collect myself. But I will for sure. Thank you for the strength. My life means so much more than the frustration in office, frustration over the boss who limits me everywhere, frustration from the system - your words spoken today will me steer me through the journey and accompany me to the destination. The journey doesn't seem difficult any longer; the challenges on the way don't bother me for I can see the world beyond the mountains. Thank you again.

But to start the journey, I need to prepare. And the first step is to cleanse myself. I must teach myself to think about the good - the benefit of all, benefit of self too - all balanced, and symbiotic. Lift everyone else with me. But to be able to know of the possibilities, I must first lift myself - see the elevated plan.

Kopili, I hope you're reading my thoughts. That's our journey Kopili, to make the best of our life. To work hard. To have dreams. And to conquer the world - with goodness, with talent, with sensitivity towards one and all.

I feel so much better!

Evolution

I had not shared this to anyone - but yes I got shortlisted for an interview by ISB for the class of 2010. The interview was good, but lets see where do I fit into ISB's scheme of things. I know diversity is a big thing, and only the school can assess how do I bring diversity to the class. I'm hopeful.

In between I've also been working on my business plan - the one around conserving the weaving crafts of the North East, especially the silk weaves. Before the ISB interview, I was working hard on this plan. I had taken a big break in between - various reasons - mostly mental disturbance because of the recent incidents in Assam. But I guess I should be doubly determined now to continue to work on the plan.

I did think in between if going the entrepreneur way makes sense as I need the security of money. Having money is having one less problem in this world.And why spend your time worrying/struggling for money when life is short and there are better things to put your life to use. I so much need the money to give my family what I want to give - and sometimes even for the mere sense of security.

I will work hard. Have dreams. And follow them.

And above all - I will remain positive about the state of things. There is peace round the corner.

Some thougts...

Now I've been turmoil in the past few days - its not a "new" situation with me. But the blasts in my Guwahati has degraded my situation.The insecurity, the uncertainty surrounding my homeland disturbs me.... but no more.

They can't terrorize me! I will live life - a happy life everyday, have hope, and look forward towards a bright future.

God bless my Ma, Deta and my sister. God bless them with a long healthy and happy life. God give them enough energy every day to make most of life each day, everyday. God give them energy to create impacts in whatever ways - and make the world a better place. God give me that state of calm to make best use of the skills that I was born with to make a better world.

God bless R and me to prepare for a better future.

God bless Assam, North East, my country and the world with peace and prosperity. God give me strength and motivation to change things, to make things better.

I will do what needs to be done - live a happy life, and make best of every day!

Amen to good thoughts!

Enough is enough!

Whoever...whoever planned those blasts? What kind of elements are you made of? Did you not see the little 5 year old girl with 80% burn suffer in pain? How was she responsible in anyway? She was just coming back from school!

Have some respect for yourself - for the life that flows inside you. What pleasure do you get out of this? What is your whole point? Has anything ever been achieved by bomb blasts, by innocent killings? Do they help feed stomachs, create jobs, preserve identity? We all need a world to live in. Give that a thought.

I'm sure you're motivated enough. Just do a bit more - if you've convictions, speak them out, debate them out like a respectable intelligent human being - in forums, in books - let your voice be heard. Why go the terror way when you can solve problems by collaborating with the mainstream? Pause. Think. If you're doing these things in the name of conserving identity - do it with intellectual pursuits. If you're fighting for economic progress, lets all brainstorm and create jobs, build enterprises.

Speak out loud - what are your eventual objectives at human needs level?

Whatever they might be, they can't be achieved by killings. It is wise to use the energy more effectively elsewhere.

Assam bleeds...

My state bleeds. There are fumes everywhere.11 blasts in Assam.5 blasts in Guwahati in the span of 5 seconds. 68 dead. Hundreds are dead. What kind of statistics are these?

All I know is my state bleeds...Ganeshguri is in fumes. I grew up here. I walk these very area every single day when I visit home, and my family walks every day. I buy grocery here, catch an auto from the very auto stand and often plan a get-together in "Delicacy" - the restaurant which perhaps is in shambles today.

Panbazar DC Court - so much reminds me of my days in Cotton.

My Guwahati, my Assam is bleeding today.And I have no idea how do I react?

It took me quite some time to calm down. My needs in Guwahati have been very simple - home, school, college, friends, competition to get into the best college, shared cups of coffee, walks by Dighalipukhuripar,tuition in professor's colony, buying music from Meghali's in Panbazaar. I don't remember any hatred - all that we ever cared was to have momos with friends in the evening. And yeah - we also cared about Assamese music, the various folk cultures. Such peaceful was our land.

But like I told you before - our generation is different. We are better. We are big hearted. Hatred will not overcome us. We believe there is enough space for everyone to fit, and not kill for that piece of earth. We believe in sharing music. We believe in flaunting our different weaves. We believe in our simplicity. We believe in good life.

And thus, on a very bad day when my whole land is tattered, I have hopes. I'm listening to Papon - Angarag Mahanta. Papon, if you ever read this, I want to say "Thank you". Your voice and words bring in a sense of calm to this otherwise paranoid mind. We all need to be calm. We need to think.All we have is one life. Lets live it. Lets make it livable for everyone. Isn't that what we all need?

Fellow disturbed minds from the North Eastern corner, stay clam. Listen to a lot of music. I recommend Papon's music. It will soothe you. We have to go on. We have to bring in the peace. Lets keep believing in the walks by Dighalipukhuripar, in the evening momo sessions, in the shivers down the spine every time we listen someone mention North East - we're so proud of it, aren't we? Lets give peace a chance, hope a chance. Peace. Love. Empathy.

Ma,Deta,Moo - my life. God bless you always, and me to take care of you. God bless Rajib. God bless everyone's family. God give strength to every child to take care of her parents and siblings. I'm certain the world will be better. Believe.

God bless all the dogs. Powali, Utterly, Butterly, Deli, CORLEONE,BATHSHEBA, Smirnoff, Jerry, Jelly Bean,Jonaki, Tikhor, Chiku, Woolfie,Seuz, Blackie,Xonali,Travolta and all the other nameless four paws I know - without you I wouldn't have been me. Thanks for believing that I'm good. I wish I were half as good as you all think I'm.

Long live hope.Welcome strength, purpose.

We're a better generation....lets not be used!

Mark my words – we will soon see another hippie age round the corner. So much of violence, hatred has left the today’s youth clueless .....and hopeless. Life can’t go on without hope, as you can’t cycle without pedaling. The youth will find hope, in a similar way that they had found once – in a world of defiance from the world around, in a boundary-less world, in love and acceptance, in music and beads and colors and spiritual pursuits. The only difference is today’s youth has become educated enough not to use grass to achieve God. They will use art exhibitions, literary pursuits. Really – everyone is tired now. You’ve one life man, just live it. Smell the flowers. Make love. Raise healthy babies who will perpetuate “you” in this world when you’re gone, show the world to your parents, discover new things..... and yes work for improvement, for a better life. Aren’t you and I are of the same age – lets prove it to the upcoming world – only hard work wins, sincere efforts win. Reach out – lets join hands. We’ve seen enough of destruction.
In your heart and mine, what feelings reign? Purity of soul. Purity of purpose. Lets put it to good use – its all the same, believe me. Its peace that everyone wants. And yes, an equal world. Let’s achieve it. Actually, goodness is in abundance in this generation – more than it was ever in the world. We’re more united than ever. We are broader than ever. More progressive than ever. More compassionate than ever. Lets stop being used. The youth can rock the world. Listen to yours – what does yours say? Spread goodness. And live in peace!

Believe in the light....its there...

What is this? A mockery of human life? What started in Bangalore, followed by Ahmedabad, then Delhi, Delhi again in two weeks Malegaon, Ahmedabad again, and now my very own North East. There’s a pain in my head that doesn’t seem to go. I’ve been praying and praying. God – the cosmic force give the world goodness, bless the world. I’m certain the prayers will be heard. Definitely heard. I’ve been driving my family crazy by forcing them indoors. But then – its the festive season. This is the time to visit friends and family and share the good times together. That’s naturally human spirit.
No. I’m not ready believe the other side. There will be peace. We must strongly believe in it.
When I was growing up, my worst fear was that I will be religious some day. I was young and defiance was my religion. I believed cosmic force is in me – I’m my hope, my faith, hence I’m religion. I believed “God” ? ( I wouldn’t even use the term for I didn’t believe in idols made of stone) is intelligence, wisdom, sensitivity, goodness – hence “God” was in me – and that was my religion. Somehow down the years – I “converted”, somewhat. The person who would never pray in the traditional, customary sense began praying. As I grew up, I needed those conversations – the onslaught of the world around me was becoming too much to handle with my so called “intelligence, wisdom”. I needed to have my moments with “God” who I still define as a cosmic force who surely “controls” the world in ways that I can’t define. I know there is some force.
Protect the world - that’s my earnest prayer. Protect my family. Protect everyone’s family.
Even when I was agnostic, I believed in the powers of the scriptures. For the fear of receiving the “biased” interpretation, I inferred my own lessons from the scriptures. And I believe in “Karma Yoga”. Whoever is distressed like me – try this, it works. Sink yourself in “Karma” – the good will come. Let the good cosmic rays radiate from you, good will come. And pray. Converse with the voice. Converse with the force. Stay calm. Its after all – intelligence, common sense that drives everything.
The good will come. That’s inevitable. Have faith.